Thursday, November 18, 2010

Closure. Overrated or not? Cast your vote...

Closure. It's a word most often used to define that "moment" when you're finally OK with a situation gone awry. Break-ups, moving, graduation... oh HEY! Those sound familiar! But don't worry, I'm not going to whine (you're welcome.)

The idea of a single moment that suddenly rights everything that had previously gone wrong is sort of strange. If you've spent so long feeling upset about something, is it realistic to think that *click!* you'll just feel better about it? I have to think that people who say things like, "I just woke up one morning and realized it wasn't worth worrying about..." are kind of lying. Because let's face it. Has that ever actually happened to you? Really, has it? If so, then I'm totally jealous. I'm sure it would be nice to magically be able to walk away from one emotional state at the drop of a hat. It would be so incredibly convenient.

However, I'm sure I'm not shocking anyone when I say that I don't think life is supposed to be convenient. I think we get punches thrown at us and obstacles placed in front of us and floors dropped out from beneath us for a reason. Because if everything was convenient, it wouldn't be called life. It would be called "Disney." And don't get me wrong, I love Disney movies and Disney World. For better or worse, real life is just that, it's real. And it's what we have to work with.

When I don't get closure on a situation, it tends to fill my entire mind. I literally can't think about anything else except the situation that's bothering me. There's no moment when my brain completely empties out. But the dust of that situation does seem to clear out over time. (And as my good friend Mr. Ben Folds says, "Time takes time, you know.") And I have a confession to make. Sometimes, that real life feeling, that one that makes you want to throw yourself off a building, that grit between your teeth - sometimes it feels right. We shouldn't just turn our backs on people, places or the past. We have to learn to deal with them. Because whatever we experience will always be a part of us, whether we like it or not.

So maybe instead of trying to find closure, we should try to fashion our pain and confusion into something that gives us a backbone. Don't we always think of the strongest people as the ones who have gone through a lot of crap in their lives? I'm not saying my life has been terrible or hard by any means. I've been really blessed. But I feel like I should try and take the hard parts and make them useful. (I think our grandparents would call that "building character.") So I'm voting "overrated" for this week's poll. I'm going to use everything I've got in my life's arsenal - pretty and ugly. Won't you join me? :)


  1. Abby - You are so right. Per usual. I'm struggling more than a little with graduating right now because the "vocation revelation" I was supposed to have in college never happened. There was never a click. Someone today told me that it will happen and just hasn't yet, but while I hope that's true I'm not going to hold my breath.

    Pastor Jim said a few weeks ago that the number one myth among college students is that our purpose in college is to somehow discover our pre-ordained, specific vocation. As humans and specifically Christians, we should be able to thrive in several capacities and careers, and Jim argued that the same holds true for relationships: Our romantic task isn't to find the one person God's created just for us, but to love everyone and come to a mutual decision with someone to share our lives at the deepest level. As he put it, "you could be happily married in a godly way to literally dozens of people in this world."

    Neither of those specifically says "closure," but I think that it's a lot easier to move on when you can know you never missed "the one."

  2. What the dilio with all this relationship therapy I'm getting on Sparkle? These post have progressively gone from funny to emotional. Are you at the point of closure. Please be and bring back the fun filled Sparkles.

    Anyhow, I really want to know: did you get that disney thing from my last honest. No seriously be honest. Do I influence your posts? No, no I insist on knowing the truth. Please. Come on, please...please. :-)

  3. Bayyy, I can't help but wonder if our conversation sparked this in your mind and you just made complete sense out of what I was trying to figure out. I completely agree! We should look at those experiences as opportunities to find strength we never once had to find- we should get a backbone. You're so wise, my dear friend. I love you for that. Well, that and many other reasons of course!