Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year's: An Interpretation.

Do you ever have those dreams where you sort of float outside your body and watch yourself doing something? Is that "doing something" ever "being deceased?" No? Maybe it's just my subconscious that's morbid and twisted. But it's true. I did have a dream last night that I was looking at my dead self laying on the floor of my living room. I wasn't too bothered by the entire situation until my poor little self started to breath. Naturally, I freak out (as if just having two me's isn't weird enough already) and stare in horror as the me-on-the-floor starts to open my eyes, shift my shoulders, turn my head. It was like a freakin' zombie film. I'm really starting to get creeped out here.

Then I woke up. Now. I'm not really one for dream interpretation, but I feel like it's impossible to avoid the symbolism of the dead me coming to life. Deva and I discussed this at coffee this morning and she suggested that maybe it was all about the new me waking up and starting over in the new year. This makes sense to me. The past few days have been full of a lot of thoughts about new opportunities and new starts, and I do believe that you often dream about what's been on your mind before you fall asleep. I'm happy to see that my subconscious seems to be rather optimistic.

As much as 2011 has been sort of weird so far (think unexpected run-ins, surprising conversations and new revelations) I think it's all a part of starting over. For whatever reason, January 1st is when people decide to make their lives something new and improved. It's really just another day, but it still seems to promise possibilities that other days lack. Like the possibility of coming back to life after a long hibernation. The possibility of settling into your true self after a long time walking around as someone else. The possibility of finding true joy after a long time of thinking it just wasn't in the cards.

Needless to say, I'm excited and ready for these changes to kick in. I'm not naïve enough to believe it will happen all at once, or even in the immediate future. But I believe it will happen eventually. And I'll be prepared to meet my renewed self, pass on the baton, and wish her the best.

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