Monday, July 15, 2013

The Wheels Keep On Turnin.' Or, I've Been Too Lazy To Blog

You can decide which title you prefer. I'm not even going to go through the whole "I've been such a terrible blogger, but I promise to do better from here on out!" It's been a while. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Let's just move on with our lives. Please know that I may or may not blog in the near future depending on whether I have any life revelations and/or I sit down to do it.

So I'm getting married in T minus 5 days. It's a pretty weird feeling, quite frankly. On one hand, a lot of things will change. Like my name. (Don't get me started on this one. You would think after centuries of gender inequality, the guys could buck up and change THEIR names for a few hundred years, but I have yet to convince anyone.) And the fact that I will live in Decatur... with a boy! Ew! Boys are messy and unorganized. Fortunately, I am clean and well-organized and I am also extremely determined to make these good qualities of mine override any negative organizational qualities of my male counterpart. And I suppose I'll have to coordinate shower times and grocery shop for two and share the TV and all sorts of married kinda stuff, too. I'm sure people have varying degrees of excitedness/nervousness for these sorts of changes. I'm mostly on the excited end, but every once in a while it hits me that I'm making a pretty large and permanent commitment.

That being said, I'd like to take this time to contemplate the things that aren't going to change. That might seem a little strange. Like, sure, it will still take 2 cups of flour to make the perfect banana bread. But I want to promise a few things to you people, and to myself, that will remain steadfast even when I am legally bound to another human being.

I promise I will always be sarcastic. If I've ever offended you, I'm sorry. I was probably trying to make a joke and it completely failed. This happens sometimes. I just don't envision myself becoming super sincere all. the. time. just because I'm a wife. Sorry.

I promise I will never pee with the door open. I hear this happens with married couples. There are a few select people that I will pee in front of and none of them has ever been or will ever be a man. Perhaps I'm "building a wall" but that is just fine in my opinion.

I promise I will continue to buy shoes as I see fit. If we are super poor, I'll hold back. I'm not financially stupid. I just don't think I need to let my foot attire see decay because I have a joint checking account.

I promise you, Justin, that I will never call you "hubby." If you are married and you use this term, I won't judge. It's just not for me. I may perhaps use the term "hubsters," but only rarely and only ironically.

I promise I will never change my Twitter handle. I will always be Abbalange. ALWAYS!

I promise (to the best of my ability) that I will not get pregnant any time soon. Wedding photos are enough to handle all over your newsfeed without me chucking sonograms in there, too.

I promise I will always leave time for my lady friends. I promise I will not go flying off to married land never to return for a night of margaritas and dancing. (I'm not sure I've ever actually had a night of both margaritas and dancing together, so someone should make this happen.) I promise I will take girls' trips, call you to talk about nothing and everything, and make time to hang out on the weekends. You all have been here since the beginning and I'm pretty much cementing you all in until the end.

And just in case you're starting to think that I'm way too cynical and actually won't make a good wife at all, I do promise to love that JTGroth guy forever. He's fun and amusing and can reach the shelves that are too high for me. He's the whole package deal!

Last but not least, I promise to be juuuuust an inconsistent enough blogger to keep you on the edge of your seats at all times. You're welcome.

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