Beauty, Every Day.

As you may know, lately I've been trying to figure out how to find joy on a daily basis. Sometimes this is really hard for me. I don't wake up every morning and say, "Wow! A new day! Aces!" In fact, I hardly ever use the term "aces" but just go with me here. Sometimes I need a little inspiration, a little push in the right direction. One thing that always makes me love life a little more is finding beautiful things and looking at them or just being around them. And I'd like to introduce you all to a man who knew how to find beautiful things better than anyone else.

For the past two years or so now, I've been studying and learning about the artist Reinhold Marxhausen. At Valpo, I did some preliminary research (that kind of got snuffed out eventually - long story), but I really got to delve into Marxhausen when I got to Seward. In fact, if you know me pretty well, you'll know that this is the guy that my art exhibit in St. Louis is all about. Anyhow, Marxhausen started the art department at Concordia and taught there for about 40 years. He also happens to be the grandfather of my good friend Anne, who I basically knew from the womb. (Our moms and dads are best friends, it's cute.) There's the connection for me. But since jumping on the Marx train, I've been wow-ed over and over again, I can't even count how many times.

This man is so special and unique. His entire artistic philosophy was based around the idea that beauty can be found in everything and anything. A shadow in the bathroom, scraps of wrappers, piano wires, whatever. It was all aesthetically intriguing to Marx. And it shows in his artwork. While he did the traditional oil paintings and watercolors, his more interesting pieces are those that are made out of scrap wire or dryer lint (yes.) I'm not trying to give you an art lesson (not really, at least) but I am trying to point out how this man saw things. I mean, he knew how to see. And it wasn't just a phase he went through. Those who really know him say he was enthusiastic for the wonder of life every single day, because he could see the beauty of life everywhere.

So I have to ask myself, here's this man who I've been studying and he's a fascinating artist and a family friend. And if I think so highly of him (which I do), shouldn't I be infusing his philosophy into my life? I'm probably not going to go out and make a bunch of art, but it's a mindset that I can adopt and embrace. I find joy in beauty, and if beauty is everywhere...well, that suggests that joy is everywhere too. Why do I work so hard to deny that simple fact? All I really have to do is look around, and make sure I've got my eyes open.

(Also. I tried really hard to post some pictures here, but my grandparent's old computer isn't much for cooperating with the user. Rude. Instead, here's a video of when Marxhausen was on the David Letterman show with some of his sound sculpture. You can kinda get the idea of the type of guy he was.)

These Days, Life is a Grab Bag

I would just like to start this post by saying, you all are lucky I don't blog out my thoughts every morning. Why? Because you would be very confused about me and my opinion about everything in life from job to people to future to love to fill-in-the-blank. (Maybe you're confused about me anyways. But believe me, this would make it worse.) That's because I'm feeling very up and down about EVERYTHING right now. I thought about calling it some sort of hormonal freak-out, but Devin referred to it as a "grab bag." Which sounds much more pleasant.

So yes, life is a grab bag right now. I never know how I'm going to feel on any given day. Today, I think about life in Seward, and I think, "Eh, things could definitely be a lot worse!" But just a few days ago, I thought about life in Seward and thought, "I can't believe I've failed on so many other levels that this is where I have to settle." Sometimes I think about life in Seward and I think, "Thank God I don't have to be flung out into the real world yet." And there are more mindsets that float in and out of fashion, too. It's been sort of frustrating. To not know how I'll approach the day until I'm in the midst of it... well, I'd just really appreciate a little heads up.

But alas, that's not how things work. I'm coming to terms with a lot of things right now, and one of them is that I just plain-old don't know what's going to happen next in life. As someone who likes to plan and organize, this totally throws me off my game. How am I supposed to plan for the next 10 years of my life if I don't know what my job situation will be in 3 months!? And if I can't plan for the next 10 years of my life, how am I supposed to SURVIVE!?! OK, hopefully it's not really that drastic, but it often feels that way.

So how do I embrace the grab-bagginess of life? As several people (Mama Lange, Papa Lange and Davo) have told me lately, it's all about the attitude. One of the few things I can control in this crazy world. I don't consider myself a natural optimist, so sometimes it's hard to find the good in everything that comes along. It's just hard to stay pumped up about one thing when I really want another. But it's not too late to change, right? Granted, changing an entire facet of my self is going to be difficult, but here starts my venture to become a person who joyfully goes with the flow. I need to live up to my middle name! Find excitement in the unknown, not fear or anxiety. Take what comes and make that what I want. Never forget the power of a slight change of perception. And most importantly, be grateful.

I'll probably need your help for this. If you see me being a downer - smack me upside the head and set me straight! I won't be offended, I'll be tickled that people read Sparkle, Sparkle and truly take it to heart. So yeah, I'm going out with joy today. And hopefully tomorrow and the day after that too. Cheers!

(Un)Fortunately...

This may be hard for some of you to believe, but I'm not always all sparkle, sparkle. I know, I know. This blog has been nothing but pure joy for all of you all the time. (Don't worry, I know I've complained a lot. I do the sarcasm thing. It's happening right now.) Despite my best attempts to be sparkly the past few weeks, it's been muy dificil for me. If you read my previous post, you know that I've been reaching new and unexplored levels of insanity lately. A combination of craziness at work, life decisions galore and my seemingly WORSENING cell reception have me constantly contemplating jumping off my roof. I need to get back to a sparkly place, stat.

It is becoming increasingly apparent that I may be staying in Seward for at least another year. This means I definitely need all the sparkle I can get. Not that I don't love this town for all of the nostalgia it holds in my heart, but sometimes a gal just needs a Target within 20 minutes. Or like, a Starbucks. I know I sound completely shallow but you all know you'd feel the same way. I'm just not a small-town girl. So let me try and find some sparkly qualities about all of this...

-I save money on gas since I can walk to work in 10 minutes.
-The Rivoli is a super cute, 1940's vibe, one-screen movie theater. I feel like if I keep going there enough, I'll meet Ryan Gosling a la The Notebook and we'll live happily ever after.
-We've got brick streets here. They look quite pretty.

Ok, I'm struggling a little. I talked to my dad today and he told me to take the "unfortunately" out of my situation. As in, unfortunately I won't be going to grad school this fall, leaving the rural life, and getting closer to the musuem world. Even though those things were part of my expectations for life, I have to admit I'm still very blessed in the scheme of things. I have a JOB for goodness' sakes! That in itself is a great commodity these days. I am lucky to live near my grandparents, aunt and uncle, and younger cousins. I never saw them that often growing up, and now we get to be a part of each others' lives on a regular basis. And hey, I have my health. (Despite the allergies.) In the end, I should be saying "fortunately" about my life.

I know a lot of people who have been dealing with the post-grad blues. It seems to be one of those things that just comes with the territory. If you're having a day where all you can think of is the unfortunately's of life, try thinking of even the smallest things that are good. Maybe you had a cupcake for lunch. Maybe it's Friday. Maybe you're NOT recovering from a car crash. When you think of it, I bet the pros outweigh the cons. We all experience events in life that throw our expectations out the window, and that's often hard to deal with. I guess we just have to take a second to reassess, take a deep inhale/exhale, and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. Maybe even buy a pair of boots that have straps to really flesh out the analogy. Or just buy shoes in general! On that note, I'm starting to feel so much sparklier already. :)

Gah!

Lately my life feels crazy. Like I'm blindfolded on a treadmill that's just 3 clicks too fast for me, and all the while people are chucking snowballs at me from all sides. Sound awesome? This is what I get for being a Type A personality and not having a life plan. (If by the way, you have a spare life plan, or have a good idea as to where I can find one, please let me know.) Everything I'm doing right now seems to be random, and I much prefer cohesiveness. Now I suppose that's not something that very many people get in life. It seems much more common to have a million unrelated tasks and projects going on at once.

IS A LITTLE STABILITY TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

Apparently so. I'm hoping down the line this little period of freneticism will turn out to be a great learning experience. You know, I'll be like, really good at multi-tasking and stuff. And in the larger scheme of things, this is nowhere near the hardest time of my life by any means. It just feels...disconnected. Hopefully I'll figure out how to piece it all together soon, or I may go insane. Although judging by this post and how I've been talking and acting lately, most of you probably feel I've already hit that point. Whatever. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

This blog post is even disjointed! Seriously. I apologize for making you read this. I actually hope you've stopped by now. If you haven't, here's a good chance... riiiiight now. Stop.

For any of you brave enough to venture on, I'll reward you with a sweet little piece of irony (cue Alanis Morrisette). I felt my first 10 minutes of calm today...while using a power tool. This buffer not only shined up the stained glass windows we're working on here at the CLA, but it also brought a little peace to my mind. Whatever works, no?

How To Have A Thrilling Family Vacation With The Langes In 10 Easy Steps

Hey-O from Arizona! For the past week, I've been hanging with my fam in Las Vegas, Grand Canyon and Sedona. It's been pretty glorious, so I thought I would give you all a few pointers on how to re-create this experience for yourselves.

Step 1. Choose a spring break locale that is typically warm, but during spring break is actually quite cold. I might suggest the Grand Canyon, where our average temperature this week was 38. And yes, that's degrees fahrenheit. Lovely.

Step 2. Choose another spring break locale that specializes in gambling and naked women. Like Las Vegas! It was all I could do to keep from covering Micah's eyes everywhere we went.

Step 3. When you're in Las Vegas, make sure to get into the elevator with a guy and his lady-friend. It'll make for a couple of hilariously awkward moments as it dawns on you that this is not a family friendly atmosphere.

Step 4. Plan your main hiking in the Grand Canyon the day after it snows. That way the trails will be icy, muddy and downright treacherous. It's fun for everyone!

Step 5. Definitely don't pack for winter weather. Where's the adventure in having proper attire for cold outdoor activities? It's more exciting when you can't feel your face.

Step 6. Make sure Papa Lange sees you EVERY time you go close to the edge of a cliff. This will result in one of the following statements/exclamations (and they never get old):

a. "(Insert Name Here, possibly repeat several times)! You are WAY too close to that edge!"

b. "Walk on the inside of the trail!"
c. "HOLD ON TO THE ROCKS!!!"

d. "Don't even joke about that. That is too creepy." (Usually follows a pantomime of me throwing myself over the edge of a cliff.)

Step 6. Get my mom to say something in Spanish.

Step 7. Go to an outlet mall and watch my parents have the inevitable how-long-we're-going-to-spend-shopping haggling session. It's fun to watch my mom talk my dad from 1 hour to 2.5, or my dad persuade my mom that 4 hours is going to literally kill him.

Step 8. Bring only one iPod/iPad/iPhone charger for the whole family. It never ceases to amaze me how many Mac products one family can have, and how they always need to be charged at the same time.

Step 9. Let Papa Lange get to sleep before you. You will never feel so much joy as you do when you try to fall asleep to the peaceful sound of bulldozers, aka my father's incessant snoring.

Step 10. Play the car-sickness card as much as possible so you don't have to sit in the back of the van.

See? It's easy to have an unforgettable time in the Southwest! But in all seriousness, I love traveling with my family. My brothers are hilarious, my parents like doing a lot of different things, and we all get along just swell (for the most part!) It's been great having what might be one of the last few family vacations together. I'm a fam gal through and through and I am so thankful to have these trips. Now, if only we could go somewhere legitimately warm...

Lemonade Punch (Yum!)

Hello again, blog-o-sphere! Sorry I've been absent and haven't provided some of you with your at-work procrastination efforts (ahem, Davo.) Believe it or not, much has happened in my life in the past week and half. And when I say "much" I mean mostly things that are insignificant in the long run, but some things that are. Let me divulge.

After a lovely, relaxing weekend with girlfriends in Chicago, I came home to a letter politely telling me I didn't get into grad school at the art institute. Curses! Disappointment abounded. Now I'm going to try to keep this lighthearted for the sake of Sparkle, Sparkle, but it was a pretty sad moment. Now it's only a few days after the fact, and my mind is rapidly formulating various "Plan B's." So many options now that my preferred path is not available. The problem with Plan B, is that it generally doesn't suit a Type A. Us oldest children like our letters to match up, you see.

So I've been thinking about the concept of Plan B, both in what it means literally for what I'll be doing in the next year and more abstractly for what it signifies in my life. All through high school and even college, I have expected the best from myself, and usually gotten it. (Academically speaking at least.) Now I'm facing a new arena where I no longer stand out quite so brightly as I used to. The pool has gotten larger and more vibrant, and it's quite difficult to shine in that sort of field. So myself and many others like me revert to our Plan B's. For me, it's easy to slump into the idea that Plan B means failure, that I didn't get what I really wanted. Somehow I must not have worked hard enough, or made the right use of my time, or something like that. For a Type A, Plan B is a little embarrassing.

But it shouldn't be that way! There shouldn't be a feeling of shame when the initial dream doesn't pan out. I recently heard that UCLA received 78,000 applications for next year's freshman class. 78,000! Think how many Plan B's come out of that number! And I'm sure many schools (undergrad/grad/med/etc) are facing the same issue. That leaves a LOT of people out there who are working on Plan B. Including myself. The hard part is getting excited about Plan B and turning it into your new Plan A.

When I don't get what I want, I get upset. That makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but I think it's human instinct to feel disappointment. How do I shake that feeling of missing out and embrace the alternative opportunities? Well, I can't tell you, because I don't fully know. However, I suspect it has something to do with rolling with the punches and making lemonade out of lemons. Yes, the old cliches come back to haunt us. When life gives you Plan B in a crumply brown paper sack, we have to keep our chins up and re-wrap Plan B in a cute gift box with a flouncy bow. Just because it doesn't look nice on the outside at first doesn't mean it can't be re-worked and re-decorated to be absolutely gorgeous. It's all a matter of perception. Suddenly, I'd much rather have the nice gift box because I just know there must be something fantastic inside. All of a sudden, voila! New Plan A.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for nice gift wrapping and pretty things, but I think my metaphor works. And I know there will be hard days where I wish I was somewhere else. But for now I'm going to mash all of my catch phrases together and make lemonade punch, which actually sounds quite delicious. Exact recipe to come, once I figure out the whole "life" thing.

That Most Wonderful Time in Life...PSYCH!

As I sit here on a Saturday morning, fully rested after sleeping in, sipping coffee out of my Christmas mug from Deva, and yes, still in my pajamas, I feel quite content and satisfied with life. Which is why it's the perfect time for me to complain! Or, as I prefer to call it: question the great wide void why things are the way they are. It's much more diplomatic, no?

So my question to the void today is: what's up with this new age group people are talking about? Have you heard of it? It's US. Post-adolescent, pre-adult, post-college, pre-career people. AKA the 22-28 ish age range. Apparently we are not growing up in the same way that our parents did (duh.) We are delaying families, marriage and even careers to "discover ourselves" and "find out what we want in life." Well, that's all well and fine I suppose, except for the fact that this seems to apply more to males than females. Ahhh, yes, now you see where this is going. My dear friend Courtney sent me an article titled "Where Have The Good Men Gone?" The main premise is that while women are off fending for themselves (aka having an income and getting educated), men feel less needed and in response have become whiney and immature. Ha! Just kidding, kind of. It's not that harsh. But it does point out that many guys these days seem to live in an extension of the frat life, riding out the high of college, refusing to settle into adulthood, etc.

Now, as a recent graduate, I can't say I'm exempt from this lifestyle. I still sometimes wish I could go back and re-live senior year again. But ultimately, I would like to have kids before I'm 40, so I realize I must move onward. Unfortunately, I cannot have said kids unless someone from the male population steps up and contributes to the cause, so to speak. (Disclaimer: this is NOT a blog post begging for a boyfriend. Yuck. I'm just using myself as an example. I'm sure many girls feel this way.) And according to the article, as long as I keep finding ways to occupy myself in the meantime - like working and going to school - guys will be turned off by my "independence" and revert to video games and binge drinking. Or something like that.

I feel like this is getting convoluted, what do you think? My main point is this: there is some strange and unstoppable cycle happening here. Girls want to get married. Apparently you can't just do that out of the blue. So they get jobs. Guys see girls with jobs. Guys feel they aren't needed to bring home the bacon. Guys are content to let sleeping dogs lie. Girls get impatient. Girls climb the corporate ladder. Guys feel even less needed. Guys get insecure about their role in a girl's life. Girls get kinda whiney about the lack of guys. Guys are turned off by said whining. Girls and guys resent each other resulting in the lack of relationships and the world's population of married couples drops dramatically resulting in fewer children birthed by young mothers and by the time people finally let go of their grudges and have kids they are old and will not live to see their children graduate from college and then the world will be full of a generation of hurt and clueless 20-somethings who are in dire need of the wisdom of their parents and in turn run away from any type of relationship or commitment... See?? CYCLICAL.

I realize this entire blog post is a vast generality, but I think there are a few truths in there somewhere. The hard part is extricating those parts from my ranting. Questioning, rather. I suppose in the end, the most important thing is that whatever you decide to do with this most wonderful time in your life, do it with sparkle and style of your own. And don't shy away from being a grown-up every once in a while. :)