These Days, Life is a Grab Bag

I would just like to start this post by saying, you all are lucky I don't blog out my thoughts every morning. Why? Because you would be very confused about me and my opinion about everything in life from job to people to future to love to fill-in-the-blank. (Maybe you're confused about me anyways. But believe me, this would make it worse.) That's because I'm feeling very up and down about EVERYTHING right now. I thought about calling it some sort of hormonal freak-out, but Devin referred to it as a "grab bag." Which sounds much more pleasant.

So yes, life is a grab bag right now. I never know how I'm going to feel on any given day. Today, I think about life in Seward, and I think, "Eh, things could definitely be a lot worse!" But just a few days ago, I thought about life in Seward and thought, "I can't believe I've failed on so many other levels that this is where I have to settle." Sometimes I think about life in Seward and I think, "Thank God I don't have to be flung out into the real world yet." And there are more mindsets that float in and out of fashion, too. It's been sort of frustrating. To not know how I'll approach the day until I'm in the midst of it... well, I'd just really appreciate a little heads up.

But alas, that's not how things work. I'm coming to terms with a lot of things right now, and one of them is that I just plain-old don't know what's going to happen next in life. As someone who likes to plan and organize, this totally throws me off my game. How am I supposed to plan for the next 10 years of my life if I don't know what my job situation will be in 3 months!? And if I can't plan for the next 10 years of my life, how am I supposed to SURVIVE!?! OK, hopefully it's not really that drastic, but it often feels that way.

So how do I embrace the grab-bagginess of life? As several people (Mama Lange, Papa Lange and Davo) have told me lately, it's all about the attitude. One of the few things I can control in this crazy world. I don't consider myself a natural optimist, so sometimes it's hard to find the good in everything that comes along. It's just hard to stay pumped up about one thing when I really want another. But it's not too late to change, right? Granted, changing an entire facet of my self is going to be difficult, but here starts my venture to become a person who joyfully goes with the flow. I need to live up to my middle name! Find excitement in the unknown, not fear or anxiety. Take what comes and make that what I want. Never forget the power of a slight change of perception. And most importantly, be grateful.

I'll probably need your help for this. If you see me being a downer - smack me upside the head and set me straight! I won't be offended, I'll be tickled that people read Sparkle, Sparkle and truly take it to heart. So yeah, I'm going out with joy today. And hopefully tomorrow and the day after that too. Cheers!