18 Months

"We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." -T.S. Eliot


Have you ever noticed that you can never, ever, no matter how hard you try, stop learning things? Honestly! Even when you *think* you've mastered a skill, or memorized a fact, or become comfortable with an area of knowledge, it's at that exact moment when The Universe chassés in and says, "Great job, sucker. Now! Here are the assembly instructions for your life... in Portuguese." 


Oh, and then there is the universe's partner in crime: Time. Ohhhh, hoho! Time. Time is the worst.  It works in beautiful and fluid unison with The Universe to ensure that we all learn exactly how inept we are at our most vulnerable moments. And my second grievance against time? It's rarely kind enough to be the right amount in any situation. 


But, my sparkly fellows, I assure you that this is not a post based on grumbling. Oh, no. There is a point, I promise. But first, you need to go with me on a small but necessary journey of the past 18 months of my life. Because you see, Time and The Universe have been teaching me things I can only share with you through shared experience. And for those of you that have shared in most of this experience, then perhaps, you may just learn something about either my life or yours that you did not already know. And if that's the case, well, perfect.


So 18 months ago I was just starting grad school and I thought I knew it ALL. Yes. I was *that* girl. I had it all planned out. Career goals? Check. Great friends? Check. Supportive Family? Check. Long-distance relationship? Check. Healthy body and mind? Pretty much check. Well wasn't I just the luckiest? I was out to save the world, and I was going to do it my way. What did any stupid schools have to teach me that I didn't already know? I figured I would just use some common sense humor and pirouette my way through grad school. That's what I've always done, easy peasy. 


Boy, was I clueless. 


Not only did I have a lot to learn academically, but thanks to  the lovechild of the hero (Universe) and our heroine (Time) of our story, I was brought to my knees with a kind of humility that could have only come from the one thing we can never "easy-peasy" our way through: Change. I did not even begin to understand what kinds of changes my life could have over 18 months. 



To begin with, I started living by myself for the first time. This was extremely liberating and also very lonely at first. All my great friends started scattering this way and that, off to new adventures. Here I was, still in the same place, but grasping desperately for familiarity. My supportive family was still there, but even my relationships with each of them could not be unchanged. Career goals switched quickly, and I wobbled my way down a haphazard road of choices until I finally chose an internship site. Eventually it became pretty clear that all these changes would even break-up my long distance relationship.  Health stayed with me for the most part, but my body and mind couldn't manage to soak up all the stress of these changes without changing a bit themselves. 


\Oh, but my friends. This is not all. Not even close. There was so much good that came from these changes. Although my great friends *did* have to scatter, the precious ones, the ones who matter, well you're all still here. I am so thankful for you. I am so lucky to be able to keep in touch with you as much as we do, and even more lucky that several of you have been able to come and visit me. Those weekends and overnights are my absolute most favorite times. And guess what! In the past 18 months I even got some *new* great friends. Social Work Frands, Mair, and so many other lovely more. I couldn't have made it without you, in all honesty.  Change brought me you, and for that, I am forever grateful. And then there came the not-so-long-ago day that Time and The Universe marched one of the more remarkable people I have ever met right into my life. It just so happens that just as I had settled into being content with being a single gal, I met a guy who completely knocked my proverbial socks off. Along those same lines, I walked into the HR office at my internship to get a new lanyard a couple weeks ago and I walked out with a job offer. You just never know when great things will happen. The Universe is funny that way, but in this particular case, I'm diggin' its sense of humor. 


Family:  I feel a little more grown up than I did a year and a half ago. Thanks for raising me and loving me, and putting up with me all this time. Ten points for you. I love you each so much.


So, ladies and gentlemen of sparkle nation, let us bring back our attention to the beginning quote.

 "We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." -T.S. Eliot

What does it all mean? To me, these wise words mean a couple of things. 

1. We never stop learning because we are constantly in a state of exploration and realization. We may know a part of the answer, but the whole answer, the truest answer, is that we are always changing. We are always growing so that which we know is only so temporarily. 
2. Because we are constantly exploring and realizing, we are always getting to know ourselves and our surroundings a little bit better. Things change so quickly, but in the end we come back to the same few and important things. Friends, your inner self, family and home are all people and places we can see differently, and often more beautifully over time. You get to know these things better and better with each passing day. It's like watching a great movie over and over. You notice things you didn't see the first million times. It's always so exciting when that happens. 

And that's it. That's all she wrote. Time and The Universe are certainly two things I always want on my side. I do my best to appreciate each of them on a daily basis. I know that without them, there would be no Change, and without any change, well, I'd still be 6-year-old me wearing monochromatic sweatsuits and bows to school everyday. (Not to mention I wouldn't know many of you wonderful folks who make my life so darn sparkly.)


I am really so thankful for you all. Can't wait for the next 18... everything. 

Peace, Love and Soul,

D

Holy Blog Hiatus, Batman!

Welp, here we are again. It's that time where I apologize for neglecting Sparlke, Sparkle and you think to yourself "It's OK, Abby, I don't even really care that much." But just in case there are a few people who have been mourning the lack of sparkle in their lives, to you people, I am sorry. I don't know what the deal is, I just haven't been feeling particularly inspired lately. Or when I am, it's at really inconvenient times like when I'm driving or at my apartment (which lacks the necessary internet access to make this blog possible.)

At any rate, here are a couple life updates... just to keep you all informed that I am indeed alive and basically well.

*I still live in Nebraska. So, that's happening.

*Work is going well for the most part, we're in the process of making some stained glass windows so it's nice to have a project on the docket. That means I get to fill out more forms! Joy! But seriously, it's good to have work. These working-off-commission type businesses are sort of risky endeavors, and it's good that we have some income flowing. (Oh hey, shameless plug for my job... check out pretty art we make at www.liturgicalart.org.)

*I'm gearing for reapplying to grad school, which is simultaneously overwhelming and terrifying. The best combination! If I get into one school, I will be happy. Just. One. Please?

*I've been taking a Art Since 1945 class at UNL and it is fantastic. I have to say I really love learning about art, and I don't care if that makes me a nerd or whatever. Even crazy movements like the Viennese Actionists (look them up, if you dare) are fascinating, even if not so much aesthetically pleasing. Fun stuff.

*More printmaking is happening in my life! Not as frequently as I'd like, because I've been more busy with this other class, but I'm getting some interesting results. Drypoint etching this week, yay!

*And I still miss my friends. So here you go, friends: an open invitation to the great state of Nebraska! Anytime you're here, drop by Seward and I will show you the sights and sounds. It will be the best 45 minutes of your life, I promise.

Ok, have a sparkly day, everyone. I will attempt to come back soon with more life revelations for you to enjoy!

Good Thing I Am Busy These Days...

...or you'd be getting a lot more posts like the one I'm about to write. You see, I have a complaint to file. That complaint is about geography. Now, I have nothing against the subject of geography in school. Memorizing state capitals isn't too much of a chore, and I always did enjoy coloring in the maps. No, my issue has to do more with the fact that with geography seems to exist in a larger than 30 mile radius of where I am located at any given time. For example, if you're any sort of Sparkle, Sparkle follower, you know that I currently reside in the great state of Nebraska. And of course when I say "great," I really mean "great at being far away from everyone." Because when it comes to being far away, Nebraska really does take the cake with that one.

What I'm getting to here is that it's getting kind of old to be so far away from the people I love the most. And sure, I could be in another country or something, but this is already far enough to make things inconvenient. It might be OK if I were in a big city with a major airport, because then I wouldn't have to pawn off my possessions to afford a plane ticket home. (I jest, I only have to give up food for a couple of weeks, don't worry.)

I guess this is just how life post-grad goes. Everyone spreads out, and you're lucky if you're within driving distance of those who used to live one room away from you. Maybe it will get easier eventually, but it's still hard for me to know that getting to see my best friends might be a luxury that I can only afford (time or money-wise) a couple times a year at most. I mean, these are the people I with whom I've had midnight study break dance parties, watched Pride & Prejudice countless times, played drinking games while watching Lifetime movies, battled apartment mice, made ridiculous rap and BSB music videos, endured countless philosophical conversations in CC, and complained about the terrible Valpo weather time and time again. I mean, they're my family. Except we don't get to spend holidays together.

Basically, I miss you. Yes, if you're reading this, I probably miss you because A) My social life has really hit an all-time low and B) I'm assuming there aren't too many true stalkers wasting their time with this blog. I know I'll be able to make new friends at the different places I find myself, but it's still hard to be away from the people who have become, well, critical to my happiness. I just have to remind myself of the great JayMay lyrics, "And if you never stop when you wave goodbye, you just might find if you give it time, you will wave hello again." Maybe he's talking about romantic relationships (per usual) but I think it works all-around. So I will try to keep waving, metaphorically of course, don't want to attract stares, and hopefully I'll see you again soon.

Arghhh Matey, Take 2.

Hello all! If you're new to Sparlke, Sparkle, or if you didn't read the most recent post, or if you have short-term memory loss, I'm going to tell you right now that this post will probably be very confusing if read out of context. So let me just back up here a second and remind you all that I did indeed promise a blog post about life with specific references to pirates. So here we go, and don't say I didn't warn you.

Lately life has been feeling a tinge anti-climatic. It's been more than a year since graduation, I'm still in Seward at the same job, and I'm beginning to feel like my life really should have started by now. What's the hold up, huh? Have I not paid my dues yet? Does having a glamorous job require several more years of servitude in the lower ranks of employment? Perhaps so. Now, what would a pirate have to say about all of this?

I don't know much about pirates, but I'm assuming that you can't just jump on a ship and declare yourself "Captain." (keyword!) The current Captain would never stand for that. You have to spend some time swabbing the deck and rigging the mast and stuff. (Is that even right? Rigging the mast? If so, I'm very impressed with my intrinsic knowledge of ships.) And as you're doing all these menial tasks, a young pirate should always be NETWORKING. Ahh, yes, one of those buzzwords of college that hardly means anything anymore because so many people have told us to do it that we forget how it's done. But I think it involves getting in good with the first mate, bringing a bottle of rum to the deckhands and even cozying up to the guys in the brig, because you never know when they're going to redeem themselves and remember your kindness and give you a job that pays six figures and a generous Christmas bonus.

So yeah, sucking up seems to be key. But not in an ingenuous way, or the Captain will see right through you and make you "walk the plank." (keyword!) And then you're worse off than when you started - in the ocean, sinking fast because I'm not convinced that too many pirates actually know how to swim. Irony? Aye aye. So how does one little pirate get to the "buried treasure?" (keyword!) AKA, the dream job, family, house, what have you. Frankly, I have no idea. If I did, I'd be doing it, duh. And then my blog posts would have a more now-that-I-have-what-I-want-what-d0-I-do-with-it quality about them. So at least you have that to look forward to!

I think the bottom line is this: No matter what your profession, you're probably going to have to spend some time below deck. Sure, there are people that get handed their dream life on a silver platter right along with their diploma, but I am not one of those people. And I know for a fact that most of the people I know are not that person either. I suppose it's just best to sit tight and work/hope for the best. It's not so bad if you have other pirate friends who are going through the same thing.

Hey, here's a thought! Let's all band together and buy a ship and just sail around for a while and see how that suits us. We can go to tropical islands and hang out on the beach, drink lots of rum and make a regular vacation out of it! A pirate's life for me, right? Great! Meet you at the dock. I call being Captain.

Arrrrgh, Matey!

Well, the day has finally come. Yes, the day where I make a wonderfully coherent and timely life analogy about pirates. Didn't see that one coming, did ya? OK, that's sort of a joke. Really, I just wanted to post my newest printmaking creation because I'm pretty proud of it. And if you can't show off your pseudo-artwork on your own blog, where CAN you show it off? So here:

Ta-da! And let's see here. Pirates are like life because... well, sometimes we feel as if we're in a crazy storm, and barely staying afloat... Or maybe you've been looted. Or perhaps you have a talking bird. I don't know, I'm really not my usual metaphorical self today. Sorry to let you down. I will brainstorm on this and return soon with the answers to all life problems using the words "Captain," "Walk the plank" and "buried treasure." Get excited!

Growing Up Is Hard To Do, Or The Emotional Complications of Rearranging Furniture.

So it turns out I'm getting older. Not very quickly, of course, just at the normal rate. But it also turns out that as you get older, you have to do more things for yourself. Recently, I've taken on a slew of things that are making me feel pretty grown-up. Like buying a couch. I mean, a REAL couch, not a futon. And I bought it with MY money! That I earned at my job! Sheesh, it's exhausting to even think about for too long. Granted, the couch did come from an estate sale. (Which is just a glorified garage sale, except they charge tax, the jerks. Just remember this.) And yes, it is white brocade fabric circa 1968, but whatever. It's actually fitting in quite nicely in my apartment which is a funky conglomeration of furniture highlighting all of the best decades in design, AKA the '60s through '80s. And when I say "best," please know that I mean "most questionable in terms of actual taste or style." At any rate, I now have the following items in my living room: 1 couch, 1 chair, 1 shelf, 1 small table and 1 lamp. At least I didn't get overloaded with lamps or something. At least I'm balanced.

So figuring out where these 5 items go should be a breeze, right? Wrong. I think it would actually be easier if I had about 20 things, so that I could fill the space a little better. Instead, I currently have these pieces of furniture spread out as much as possible so that I don't have half a room with nothing in it. Of course the result is that each piece is in awkwardly in its own corner, with the open space just in the middle of the room. So now all the furniture pieces look as if they're laying in wait, prepping to attack each other, eyeing each other with doubt and mistrust. They KNOW they don't go together. Yes, I'm personifying my furniture. See what kind of emotional toll this has taken on me? It's hard trying to be an adult.

Unfortunately, until I find a coffee table, or a large potted plant, or something to tie it all together, I'm just going to have to deal with how it looks right now. It sort of reminds me of a college apartment, but parts of it are more real-house-esque. Perhaps I'm living in some sort of limbo, an interior design purgatory. Who knows. All I do know is that it perfectly reflects my life right now. Sort of a jumbled, odd combination of a bunch of different people, places, things, and plans. The weirdest part is that I feel strangely satisfied with it. I'm not content to stay here forever, but I feel as though I'm almost going through some sort of adult initiation. "Here," says Life, "I'm giving you 5 totally random pieces of me, life. Make it work." (I think Life kind of sounds like Tim Gunn here.) And so I'm trying to make it work. It's looking OK - a little ramshackle at times, but definitely some potential in there somewhere. So to all my post-grad friends, and anyone else who's in transition: I hope that you can work the bits of life you've been given into something lovely. If it's not working, try to rearrange the pieces. Cheers!

These Shoes Rule! Let's Get 'em!

Ladies, have you ever had one of those days where you're out shopping for shoes and after searching numerous department stores you're just about ready to conclude that classy gray pumps are apparently just not "in" enough to offer anything that isn't satiny or covered in rhinestones and you're just, JUST about to walk out of Macy's in defeat and then THERE THEY ARE SHOES FIT FOR A QUEEN but they cost a bazillion dollars? No? Guys, have you? No takers?


Well, twist ending - this happened to me today. Let me just break it down a little bit more for you. As stated earlier, I guess gray is not the color of the season because let me tell you, gray heels are really no where to be found. At least not cute ones. Silver shoes, sure. But I'm not going to prom. I want to pretend to be slightly more mature. Anyhow, I really was about to give up for the day until I decided to take one last swing through the Macy's shoe department and I found them. I think they literally spoke my name as I stopped in front of them. They had an angelic sort of glow emanating from them, like the genie's lamp in Aladdin or something. After I checked the price and privately cursed the fact that I'm not independently wealthy, I just stood there looking at them. Then came the salesperson...


Me: (to self) I'm not going to buy these shoes. I can't spend this much money. It's not practical. Ugh but they're so pretty. I waaaant them. No! No. Must. Resist. Shoe. Temptation.


Salesman: And what size do you need in that pretty shoe?


Me: (hands over shoe) 8 and a half.


Ok, ok. But I was just going to try them on. Until I did and it was love at first step. At this point the shoes were practically begging me to adopt them. What could I do? Just leave them there? To be taken home by someone who could never love them as much as I already did? Of course not. That would be rude. So I bought them. And tried not to think about my poor checking account, which was unquestionably also screaming at me, but for other reasons.


I'm not sure there are too many good life lessons to be learned from this tale, besides maybe that I need to stop anthropomorphizing inanimate objects. But you know what? I don't even care. I love these shoes and I'll cry (with joy) if I want to.