(I'm just going to spare you the halfhearted apologies for my lack of Sparlke, Sparkle. You probably get it by now.)
This past weekend was Valentine's Day weekend, which meant that I spent it going to an art history conference and eating Thai food at a mall. (Not complaining, really.) Every year, the College Arts Association plans their annual conference right over the most lovey-dovey of holidays, probably in an effort to blast away all preconceived notions that art historians are primarily cat ladies by demonstrating that we can, indeed, get down with our bad selves. Truthfully, it was a good weekend and I learned a lot of new things that I can't remember off the top of my head. So much for information retention.
I was particularly struck by one talk that I listened to, given by an artist who creates books and collages out of handmade paper. She uses berries, leaves, snake skin, salt, dirt, and other natural material as the pulp of her paper, and the results were visually lovely. However, I became increasingly alarmed as she explained the motivation for her work. Each project stemmed from a global crisis - climate change, loss of resources, etcetera. She gave an enormous number of statistics from which I reached the following conclusion: we all need to move to northern Canada and Greenland NOW because that's basically the only land that will be left for human survival. But don't move to the coast! That will be under water.
You can see where this is going. I was alarmed because she was making a plausible case, and I was alarmed because she didn't give us a way out. (Well, there might have been a way out, but it was discussed at the end of the talk and by then I was sitting in a quiet panic thinking about my future life in Canada. CANADA.)
As I've been mulling over her work, it made me think about all of the other things I have good cause to panic over. My thesis is due in a few short months. I don't know where I'll be living after June. I have absolutely no job prospects at this moment in time. If I really went off the deep end, I'd already be planning my future as a homeless, unemployed grad school drop-out. Oh, and then there's that part about our world imploding around us and all the polar bears floating on their sad, miniature ice blocks.
Can you imagine living with that kind of fear on a daily basis? I could hardly handle it for a few hours! Are these problems serious? Certainly. I'm not advocating a life of ignorance, although sometimes that sounds nice. But I can't live a life always halfway under my metaphorical school desk, waiting for the bomb to drop. It's always easy to see how we're on the precipice of disaster - it's much harder to see how we might be on the precipice of something great. Or at least something OK.
I don't know if there's much of a moral to this post, but if there is, I think it has to do with a renewed feeling of positivity and floating-with-the-boat-ness. Living with a sense of urgency can be good and helps us be productive humans. Living under a weight of fear is not. It smushes us and makes me sad. I for one am not the best human I can be when I'm smushed. So I'll do what I can to make this world nicer, and try to keep my face turned to the bright side.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Monday, July 15, 2013
The Wheels Keep On Turnin.' Or, I've Been Too Lazy To Blog
You can decide which title you prefer. I'm not even going to go through the whole "I've been such a terrible blogger, but I promise to do better from here on out!" It's been a while. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Let's just move on with our lives. Please know that I may or may not blog in the near future depending on whether I have any life revelations and/or I sit down to do it.
So I'm getting married in T minus 5 days. It's a pretty weird feeling, quite frankly. On one hand, a lot of things will change. Like my name. (Don't get me started on this one. You would think after centuries of gender inequality, the guys could buck up and change THEIR names for a few hundred years, but I have yet to convince anyone.) And the fact that I will live in Decatur... with a boy! Ew! Boys are messy and unorganized. Fortunately, I am clean and well-organized and I am also extremely determined to make these good qualities of mine override any negative organizational qualities of my male counterpart. And I suppose I'll have to coordinate shower times and grocery shop for two and share the TV and all sorts of married kinda stuff, too. I'm sure people have varying degrees of excitedness/nervousness for these sorts of changes. I'm mostly on the excited end, but every once in a while it hits me that I'm making a pretty large and permanent commitment.
That being said, I'd like to take this time to contemplate the things that aren't going to change. That might seem a little strange. Like, sure, it will still take 2 cups of flour to make the perfect banana bread. But I want to promise a few things to you people, and to myself, that will remain steadfast even when I am legally bound to another human being.
I promise I will always be sarcastic. If I've ever offended you, I'm sorry. I was probably trying to make a joke and it completely failed. This happens sometimes. I just don't envision myself becoming super sincere all. the. time. just because I'm a wife. Sorry.
I promise I will never pee with the door open. I hear this happens with married couples. There are a few select people that I will pee in front of and none of them has ever been or will ever be a man. Perhaps I'm "building a wall" but that is just fine in my opinion.
I promise I will continue to buy shoes as I see fit. If we are super poor, I'll hold back. I'm not financially stupid. I just don't think I need to let my foot attire see decay because I have a joint checking account.
I promise you, Justin, that I will never call you "hubby." If you are married and you use this term, I won't judge. It's just not for me. I may perhaps use the term "hubsters," but only rarely and only ironically.
I promise I will never change my Twitter handle. I will always be Abbalange. ALWAYS!
I promise (to the best of my ability) that I will not get pregnant any time soon. Wedding photos are enough to handle all over your newsfeed without me chucking sonograms in there, too.
I promise I will always leave time for my lady friends. I promise I will not go flying off to married land never to return for a night of margaritas and dancing. (I'm not sure I've ever actually had a night of both margaritas and dancing together, so someone should make this happen.) I promise I will take girls' trips, call you to talk about nothing and everything, and make time to hang out on the weekends. You all have been here since the beginning and I'm pretty much cementing you all in until the end.
And just in case you're starting to think that I'm way too cynical and actually won't make a good wife at all, I do promise to love that JTGroth guy forever. He's fun and amusing and can reach the shelves that are too high for me. He's the whole package deal!
Last but not least, I promise to be juuuuust an inconsistent enough blogger to keep you on the edge of your seats at all times. You're welcome.
So I'm getting married in T minus 5 days. It's a pretty weird feeling, quite frankly. On one hand, a lot of things will change. Like my name. (Don't get me started on this one. You would think after centuries of gender inequality, the guys could buck up and change THEIR names for a few hundred years, but I have yet to convince anyone.) And the fact that I will live in Decatur... with a boy! Ew! Boys are messy and unorganized. Fortunately, I am clean and well-organized and I am also extremely determined to make these good qualities of mine override any negative organizational qualities of my male counterpart. And I suppose I'll have to coordinate shower times and grocery shop for two and share the TV and all sorts of married kinda stuff, too. I'm sure people have varying degrees of excitedness/nervousness for these sorts of changes. I'm mostly on the excited end, but every once in a while it hits me that I'm making a pretty large and permanent commitment.
That being said, I'd like to take this time to contemplate the things that aren't going to change. That might seem a little strange. Like, sure, it will still take 2 cups of flour to make the perfect banana bread. But I want to promise a few things to you people, and to myself, that will remain steadfast even when I am legally bound to another human being.
I promise I will always be sarcastic. If I've ever offended you, I'm sorry. I was probably trying to make a joke and it completely failed. This happens sometimes. I just don't envision myself becoming super sincere all. the. time. just because I'm a wife. Sorry.
I promise I will never pee with the door open. I hear this happens with married couples. There are a few select people that I will pee in front of and none of them has ever been or will ever be a man. Perhaps I'm "building a wall" but that is just fine in my opinion.
I promise I will continue to buy shoes as I see fit. If we are super poor, I'll hold back. I'm not financially stupid. I just don't think I need to let my foot attire see decay because I have a joint checking account.
I promise you, Justin, that I will never call you "hubby." If you are married and you use this term, I won't judge. It's just not for me. I may perhaps use the term "hubsters," but only rarely and only ironically.
I promise I will never change my Twitter handle. I will always be Abbalange. ALWAYS!
I promise (to the best of my ability) that I will not get pregnant any time soon. Wedding photos are enough to handle all over your newsfeed without me chucking sonograms in there, too.
I promise I will always leave time for my lady friends. I promise I will not go flying off to married land never to return for a night of margaritas and dancing. (I'm not sure I've ever actually had a night of both margaritas and dancing together, so someone should make this happen.) I promise I will take girls' trips, call you to talk about nothing and everything, and make time to hang out on the weekends. You all have been here since the beginning and I'm pretty much cementing you all in until the end.
And just in case you're starting to think that I'm way too cynical and actually won't make a good wife at all, I do promise to love that JTGroth guy forever. He's fun and amusing and can reach the shelves that are too high for me. He's the whole package deal!
Last but not least, I promise to be juuuuust an inconsistent enough blogger to keep you on the edge of your seats at all times. You're welcome.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Procrastination, Or the Birth and Sustenance of Sparkle, Sparlke
Things I do when I want to procrastinate, in no particular order:
1. Check Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, school email. Rinse and repeat until I come out of the haze and realize that nothing is going to change in the next 3 minutes.
2. Wash my dishes. Let me tell you, my dishes are always clean.
3. Contemplate vacuuming. Unfortunately this one only seems to hit me in the late evening when it's really too late to vacuum. I'm not going to be that annoying neighbor.
4. Pinterest.
5. Check out the headlines on espn.com. Feel really proud when Illinois makes the headlines in a good way. Feel annoyed and yet understanding when some commentator makes disparaging comments about them.
6. Play Candy Crush on my phone. This is a dumb little game with which I have an unhealthy obsession. Every 25 levels or so, it prompts me to pay $.99 for the next 25 levels. I have done so twice thus far. "This is what it must be like to be one of those kids who plays World of Warcraft," I think to myself.
7. Put away random objects that have found their way to my coffee table and kitchen counter.
8. Call my mom and ask if she wants to get coffee. This is actually quite a nice one, although it often takes longer than washing the dishes.
9. Contemplate my impending wedding.
10. Check the refrigerator to see if I have anything to make for lunch and/or dinner. If not, hooray! I get to go grocery shopping, which equals more procrastination.
11. Take a shower. At least I'm improving my life with this one.
12. Check my email again. Aaaaaand again.
13. Think about how I should really be doing work. Feel increasingly guilty the longer I do this.
14. Make myself some coffee, or if I'm feeling really adventurous, go to get coffee from a local establishment. Walk leisurely so as to not get back to my work too soon.
15. Channel surf for about 15 minutes. The only times this one lasts longer than that are if Remember the Titans or a Lifetime Movie is on.
16. Take a nap. (This one is my favorite.)
17. Wander aimlessly from my bedroom to my living room, while trying to locate my motivation.
18. Wait, have I checked my email recently?
19. Stretch.
20. Update Sparkle, Sparlke, which works out great for all you fine people, but not so great for my workload. Thankfully I'm dedicated to the cause and have no intention of giving up my fine procrastination skills anytime soon. That means more blog posts, lucky you!
Ok, time to check my email. You know, because it's been a while.
1. Check Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, school email. Rinse and repeat until I come out of the haze and realize that nothing is going to change in the next 3 minutes.
2. Wash my dishes. Let me tell you, my dishes are always clean.
3. Contemplate vacuuming. Unfortunately this one only seems to hit me in the late evening when it's really too late to vacuum. I'm not going to be that annoying neighbor.
4. Pinterest.
5. Check out the headlines on espn.com. Feel really proud when Illinois makes the headlines in a good way. Feel annoyed and yet understanding when some commentator makes disparaging comments about them.
6. Play Candy Crush on my phone. This is a dumb little game with which I have an unhealthy obsession. Every 25 levels or so, it prompts me to pay $.99 for the next 25 levels. I have done so twice thus far. "This is what it must be like to be one of those kids who plays World of Warcraft," I think to myself.
7. Put away random objects that have found their way to my coffee table and kitchen counter.
8. Call my mom and ask if she wants to get coffee. This is actually quite a nice one, although it often takes longer than washing the dishes.
9. Contemplate my impending wedding.
10. Check the refrigerator to see if I have anything to make for lunch and/or dinner. If not, hooray! I get to go grocery shopping, which equals more procrastination.
11. Take a shower. At least I'm improving my life with this one.
12. Check my email again. Aaaaaand again.
13. Think about how I should really be doing work. Feel increasingly guilty the longer I do this.
14. Make myself some coffee, or if I'm feeling really adventurous, go to get coffee from a local establishment. Walk leisurely so as to not get back to my work too soon.
15. Channel surf for about 15 minutes. The only times this one lasts longer than that are if Remember the Titans or a Lifetime Movie is on.
16. Take a nap. (This one is my favorite.)
17. Wander aimlessly from my bedroom to my living room, while trying to locate my motivation.
18. Wait, have I checked my email recently?
19. Stretch.
20. Update Sparkle, Sparlke, which works out great for all you fine people, but not so great for my workload. Thankfully I'm dedicated to the cause and have no intention of giving up my fine procrastination skills anytime soon. That means more blog posts, lucky you!
Ok, time to check my email. You know, because it's been a while.
Friday, February 1, 2013
25 things I've learned since being 25
One of my very dear friends texted me a few minutes ago and jokingly told me that when she sees me tomorrow she expects to hear 25 things I've learned since being 25. And I got to thinking, I DO learn a lot everyday, so why not try it? So, these 25 things are not all things that I have learned in the last 3 days since I've been 25, but they are definitely things I've learned over the last 25 years.
1. The relationships you have with others are invaluable. You never know what person is going to come out of the woodwork and change your life forever.
2. Confidence is 70% of life. The other 30% is the effort you put into making yourself confident about things.
3. It's sometimes OK to receive, especially when you give. You can't spend your life helping everyone else and then not accept assistance when it's offered. That's just dumb.
4. Your career isn't the thing that is probably going to bring you the most joy. For a small portion of the population it is, but for the rest of us poor schmucks, we have to be satisfied with our hobbies, families and friends to keep us happy.
5. Flossing is important. I don't not do it anymore. (see number 2.)
6. Optimism is not naive, especially when it makes you try harder.
7. Anger is very useful and often spurs you try harder. (see number 6.)
8. Being wrong does not necessarily mean you're wrong. Rather, it's better to have tried and failed than to never try at all.
9. Sunshine and color can change your mood and your thoughts for the better.
10. Little luxuries are important, and in my opinion, necessary whenever doable.
11. Being disappointed in others will only leave you feeling alone. People will have to figure it out for themselves. Hopefully until this time, you can find enough reserved comfort in yourself to carry on.
12. Very few people are truly mean, most of them are just terribly mistreated and terribly sad.
13. When you wait for the other shoe to drop (metaphorically) sometimes you wait a long time. Don't assume the worst. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, things do work out.
14. There is not a "right" choice. Half of the decisions we make on a daily basis are luck, the other half were never choices to begin with.
15. If you want something very badly, don't dwell too much. There is a world full of people happening and living all around you- maybe you'll miss the something you're waiting for while you're too busy waiting.
16. Keep a part of yourself for yourself. It doesn't matter who you love or who or spend the rest of your life with or who your best friend is, was, or will be. You are the constant in your own life, spend some time with you.
17. Appreciate the things you have. Believe me, I know what bleak looks like. Even when I get so scared that something terrible will happen, I remind myself that I have resources and relationships and a team of people who love me. You probably do too. Don't forget that.
18. Your life will not probably run on time or according to plan. The plan is that there is not a plan. And that's coming from the Master Planner herself. Embrace it, or spend the rest of your life with your tushy draggin' on the ground while your life pulls you along. (Personally I prefer the no rug-burn route!)
19. When you can find the humor in dark places, you are totally fine.
20. Don't be afraid to meet new people. All of my good friends were once complete strangers, and most of these poor strangers were the unlucky recipients of me forcing myself into their lives.
21. Try not to let everyone know how bad it gets sometimes. Once you're that raw, it's very hard to step back from them. Make sure it's real when you go there.
22. Show up. When you say you'll do something, do it. And don't agree to do things you're not comfortable with.
23. Try not to be too critical of yourself, but be a little bit critical of yourself. Everything in moderation.
24. Tell other people that they're good at something. Just do it. You never know who needs a little extra nudge.
25. Be kind. There was never a situation that didn't call for kindness in some capacity.
So there you have it. 25 things. Maybe in another 25 I can add some more. Mostly I'm just going to try to appreciate most everything that comes my way, and the things I can't appreciate I will try to forget quickly.
Have a sparkly weekend!
D
One of my very dear friends texted me a few minutes ago and jokingly told me that when she sees me tomorrow she expects to hear 25 things I've learned since being 25. And I got to thinking, I DO learn a lot everyday, so why not try it? So, these 25 things are not all things that I have learned in the last 3 days since I've been 25, but they are definitely things I've learned over the last 25 years.
1. The relationships you have with others are invaluable. You never know what person is going to come out of the woodwork and change your life forever.
2. Confidence is 70% of life. The other 30% is the effort you put into making yourself confident about things.
3. It's sometimes OK to receive, especially when you give. You can't spend your life helping everyone else and then not accept assistance when it's offered. That's just dumb.
4. Your career isn't the thing that is probably going to bring you the most joy. For a small portion of the population it is, but for the rest of us poor schmucks, we have to be satisfied with our hobbies, families and friends to keep us happy.
5. Flossing is important. I don't not do it anymore. (see number 2.)
6. Optimism is not naive, especially when it makes you try harder.
7. Anger is very useful and often spurs you try harder. (see number 6.)
8. Being wrong does not necessarily mean you're wrong. Rather, it's better to have tried and failed than to never try at all.
9. Sunshine and color can change your mood and your thoughts for the better.
10. Little luxuries are important, and in my opinion, necessary whenever doable.
11. Being disappointed in others will only leave you feeling alone. People will have to figure it out for themselves. Hopefully until this time, you can find enough reserved comfort in yourself to carry on.
12. Very few people are truly mean, most of them are just terribly mistreated and terribly sad.
13. When you wait for the other shoe to drop (metaphorically) sometimes you wait a long time. Don't assume the worst. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, things do work out.
14. There is not a "right" choice. Half of the decisions we make on a daily basis are luck, the other half were never choices to begin with.
15. If you want something very badly, don't dwell too much. There is a world full of people happening and living all around you- maybe you'll miss the something you're waiting for while you're too busy waiting.
16. Keep a part of yourself for yourself. It doesn't matter who you love or who or spend the rest of your life with or who your best friend is, was, or will be. You are the constant in your own life, spend some time with you.
17. Appreciate the things you have. Believe me, I know what bleak looks like. Even when I get so scared that something terrible will happen, I remind myself that I have resources and relationships and a team of people who love me. You probably do too. Don't forget that.
18. Your life will not probably run on time or according to plan. The plan is that there is not a plan. And that's coming from the Master Planner herself. Embrace it, or spend the rest of your life with your tushy draggin' on the ground while your life pulls you along. (Personally I prefer the no rug-burn route!)
19. When you can find the humor in dark places, you are totally fine.
20. Don't be afraid to meet new people. All of my good friends were once complete strangers, and most of these poor strangers were the unlucky recipients of me forcing myself into their lives.
21. Try not to let everyone know how bad it gets sometimes. Once you're that raw, it's very hard to step back from them. Make sure it's real when you go there.
22. Show up. When you say you'll do something, do it. And don't agree to do things you're not comfortable with.
23. Try not to be too critical of yourself, but be a little bit critical of yourself. Everything in moderation.
24. Tell other people that they're good at something. Just do it. You never know who needs a little extra nudge.
25. Be kind. There was never a situation that didn't call for kindness in some capacity.
So there you have it. 25 things. Maybe in another 25 I can add some more. Mostly I'm just going to try to appreciate most everything that comes my way, and the things I can't appreciate I will try to forget quickly.
Have a sparkly weekend!
D
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
13 Can Be Lucky Too, Right?
Thirteen is a notoriously unlucky number and now we have to live with it for an entire year. Those with superstitious tendencies might be freaking out, but I refuse to believe in such bizarre concepts. It is just a number after all. This is the same mentality that caused me to pick #13 for my volleyball jersey in high school. I'm not sure it really brought me that much luck, but I never had any major injuries either, so I figure things even out.
So here are thirteen of my hopes for 2013:
1. I'll start with a small, rather reasonable hope. I hope Illini makes the NCAA tournament. This doesn't seem like too much to ask, but based on the past few years, I'm sure all fellow Illini fans understand where I'm coming from. I try to be an optimistic fan, but I won't lie - there's a little part of me that's just waiting for the team to spontaneously combust.
2. I hope that I survive two more semesters of school, preferably with most of my hair still attached to my head.
3. I hope that I only have to move one more time this year. I really, really, really cannot express how much I loathe moving, so this hope should probably actually be #1 on this list.
4. I sincerely hope that I do not accumulate any more chairs. This may sound like an unusual aspiration, but I currently have eight chairs in my small apartment and it's getting out of control.
5. In the same vein as #1, I hope our Fighting Illini wins more than two football games this year. There are no words for how I felt about the abysmal state of football in Champaign last year.
6. I hope I stick to my generic New Years resolutions to work out more, eat healthier, read more, etc. etc. etc. I have only limited expectations for this one.
7. Well, I mean, naturally I hope for World Peace.
8. I hope I get to travel out of the country. I have no set plans to do so, but if 2013 wanted to surprise me with any kind of international travel, I would not object.
9. I hope Sean Lowe finds his one true love on the Bachelor.
10. I very much hope that my best, Deva, finds a new job that gives her some peace of mind and a joyful soul. Along the same lines, if you are unhappy in your current situation, I hope that YOU find a new job/city/person/pet/wardrobe. Really, I do!
11. I would really love a kitten. I realize this is dependent on a number of variables including but not limited to real estate restrictions, significant other's whininess, and dollars in the bank. But seriously. A fluffy kitty on my lap right now sounds amazing.
12. I reaaaally hope I get married this year. If I do not, plan on reading a lot more Sparkle, Sparlke posts.
13. Last but not least, I hope, against all hopes, that this is the year that Justin Timberlake does in fact bring sexy back, and give this world the gift of a new musical album. Because it's about freakin' time, dangit.
And a 14th for good fortune - I hope life puts a little more sparkle in your path!
So here are thirteen of my hopes for 2013:
1. I'll start with a small, rather reasonable hope. I hope Illini makes the NCAA tournament. This doesn't seem like too much to ask, but based on the past few years, I'm sure all fellow Illini fans understand where I'm coming from. I try to be an optimistic fan, but I won't lie - there's a little part of me that's just waiting for the team to spontaneously combust.
2. I hope that I survive two more semesters of school, preferably with most of my hair still attached to my head.
3. I hope that I only have to move one more time this year. I really, really, really cannot express how much I loathe moving, so this hope should probably actually be #1 on this list.
4. I sincerely hope that I do not accumulate any more chairs. This may sound like an unusual aspiration, but I currently have eight chairs in my small apartment and it's getting out of control.
5. In the same vein as #1, I hope our Fighting Illini wins more than two football games this year. There are no words for how I felt about the abysmal state of football in Champaign last year.
6. I hope I stick to my generic New Years resolutions to work out more, eat healthier, read more, etc. etc. etc. I have only limited expectations for this one.
7. Well, I mean, naturally I hope for World Peace.
8. I hope I get to travel out of the country. I have no set plans to do so, but if 2013 wanted to surprise me with any kind of international travel, I would not object.
9. I hope Sean Lowe finds his one true love on the Bachelor.
10. I very much hope that my best, Deva, finds a new job that gives her some peace of mind and a joyful soul. Along the same lines, if you are unhappy in your current situation, I hope that YOU find a new job/city/person/pet/wardrobe. Really, I do!
11. I would really love a kitten. I realize this is dependent on a number of variables including but not limited to real estate restrictions, significant other's whininess, and dollars in the bank. But seriously. A fluffy kitty on my lap right now sounds amazing.
12. I reaaaally hope I get married this year. If I do not, plan on reading a lot more Sparkle, Sparlke posts.
13. Last but not least, I hope, against all hopes, that this is the year that Justin Timberlake does in fact bring sexy back, and give this world the gift of a new musical album. Because it's about freakin' time, dangit.
And a 14th for good fortune - I hope life puts a little more sparkle in your path!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Planning Stuff vs. Not Planning Stuff
If you're anything like me (type A, oldest child, possibly a tad OCD) you love the concept of planning things. Events, schedules, trips, itineraries (I even love that word!), and more. I am a full-fledged weirdo when it comes to planning. While I sometimes say I enjoy the spontaneity of life, I often find myself stressing out when things aren't planned properly or when things don't go according to the plan I had already set out in my mind.
I have been doing a lot of planning lately. Plans to get my semester finished with my sanity (somewhat) in tact... plans to get the perfect Christmas gift for everyone on my list... plans to get said Christmas gifts while maintaining a graduate student budget (womp... sorry DIY receivers)... plans to make the most out of my short time in Seward and Wisconsin with my family... and there are even more to come in the new year. Plans for weddings (woo!) and bachelorette parties and another semester of crazy and whatever the heck I'm going to do with my summer...
The list goes on and on, as I'm sure yours does too. We can never plan enough, because let's face it, it's difficult to stop time from continuing on at the pace it deems necessary. Which is really unfortunate, because it often feels that if only I could stop time, I'd actually be able to relax and enjoy the moment. But that's sort of a shame, isn't it? We have this whole entire world and our whole entires lives to soak up and relish, goshdarnit! Why must we hinder ourselves with plans for the future when the future has yet to even arrive?? (The answer here is obvious: because otherwise we would go nuts never having anything ready.)
But seriously, planning is great to some extent, but I often find that the best moments are those that I somehow manage to relinquish my iron grip on control and let things flow. Yesterday, my dad announced it was time for the yearly trek down the hill from my grandma's house to Plum Creek (or Plum "Crick" if you're truly from Nebraska) to walk on the ice. For the past couple of years I have either declined the invite because I was too stuffed from Christmas food to consider doing anything as exhausting as walking or haven't gotten to go because it was too warm for anything to freeze over. Well, this year it was definitely cold enough (think single digit degrees - gross) and I figured I'd better take advantage. So I set aside my plans of A. napping and B. not getting frostbite, to slip and shuffle and slide down the iced over creek with my cousins and brothers. It was lovely.
The moral of the story is this, friends. Plans are good. Plans help us organize things and accomplish tasks. Plans make me happy. But what also makes me happy is spending time with the people I love and not necessarily having any end goal in sight. So I hope you get to truly relax and just be with those that you cherish. Most likely those are going to be the best moments you have.
Merry Christmas! Peace, Joy, Love, Hope abound.
I have been doing a lot of planning lately. Plans to get my semester finished with my sanity (somewhat) in tact... plans to get the perfect Christmas gift for everyone on my list... plans to get said Christmas gifts while maintaining a graduate student budget (womp... sorry DIY receivers)... plans to make the most out of my short time in Seward and Wisconsin with my family... and there are even more to come in the new year. Plans for weddings (woo!) and bachelorette parties and another semester of crazy and whatever the heck I'm going to do with my summer...
The list goes on and on, as I'm sure yours does too. We can never plan enough, because let's face it, it's difficult to stop time from continuing on at the pace it deems necessary. Which is really unfortunate, because it often feels that if only I could stop time, I'd actually be able to relax and enjoy the moment. But that's sort of a shame, isn't it? We have this whole entire world and our whole entires lives to soak up and relish, goshdarnit! Why must we hinder ourselves with plans for the future when the future has yet to even arrive?? (The answer here is obvious: because otherwise we would go nuts never having anything ready.)
But seriously, planning is great to some extent, but I often find that the best moments are those that I somehow manage to relinquish my iron grip on control and let things flow. Yesterday, my dad announced it was time for the yearly trek down the hill from my grandma's house to Plum Creek (or Plum "Crick" if you're truly from Nebraska) to walk on the ice. For the past couple of years I have either declined the invite because I was too stuffed from Christmas food to consider doing anything as exhausting as walking or haven't gotten to go because it was too warm for anything to freeze over. Well, this year it was definitely cold enough (think single digit degrees - gross) and I figured I'd better take advantage. So I set aside my plans of A. napping and B. not getting frostbite, to slip and shuffle and slide down the iced over creek with my cousins and brothers. It was lovely.
The moral of the story is this, friends. Plans are good. Plans help us organize things and accomplish tasks. Plans make me happy. But what also makes me happy is spending time with the people I love and not necessarily having any end goal in sight. So I hope you get to truly relax and just be with those that you cherish. Most likely those are going to be the best moments you have.
Merry Christmas! Peace, Joy, Love, Hope abound.
Monday, November 12, 2012
The Upside to Struggle, Or What One Should Remind Oneself When One's Bicycle is Stolen
If you don't follow me on Twitter (which obviously you should - @abbalange), then you may not have been informed of the very dire news that my bike has been stolen. Ripped it straight up off the bike rack where I HAD IT LOCKED UP. Right outside my apartment! Which apparently is more crime-ridden than I was aware of based on the window-bashing episode of a few weeks ago. And it's all the more painful because I was really falling in love with this bike. It was a nice old lady cruiser with a low seat so I didn't have to bend over while riding. It had a light and a rack and even a spot for a mile counting mechanism, thanks to the previous owner who totally pimped it out and then never used it. It was just the best bike! And now it's gone, off to live with someone who will surely not love it as much as I did.
As an aside, I'd like to take this moment and say that if YOU, person who stole my bike, due to a movie-worthy coincidence, are reading Sparkle, Sparlke, hear this: RUDE! If you had merely asked, I would have let you ride my bike around the block (obviously under my surveillance since you are not to be trusted.) But yeah, you're a big, fat jerk.
So, needless to say, I was struggling this morning. Monday always seems to punch me in the face, but today it just roundhouse kicked me in the gut. I spent most of the morning feeling totally bummed out, especially as I rode a different bike I borrowed from my parents which just wasn't the same, and was totally prepared to be thoroughly pissed off for the remainder of the day. But then I made remembered something I had heard on the radio this morning, and I'm going to pull it all together in that sparkly way you love so much.
The radio DJ this morning was talking about a woman who was studying differences between the approaches the United States and Asian countries take to education. Specifically the approaches to struggling. Through many conversations with both American and Asian families, she found that Americans tend to operate under the assumption that it's our intelligence that causes our success. On the other hand, in some Asian countries (they didn't state which ones), success is attributed to hard work and a "practice makes perfect" attitude. So when a person struggles with a concept or problem or idea, we Americans might figure the struggle is due to our lack of intelligence. Conversely, the conversations with these Asian families showed that they saw struggle as an opportunity instead of a detriment. The fact that one is struggling doesn't mean someone is dumb, it just means there's work to be done.
The obvious connection here would be to the fact that I feel that I'm struggling EVERY DAY in grad school, but no. I like to make things interesting on this blog, so I'm talking about how I'm struggling with the fact that someone took my bike! When these types of things happen, I just want to hate everyone. I struggle to remember that not everyone is a bike-stealer. But this is an opportunity to remind me that for the one person who stole my bike, there are dozens, perhaps hundreds of people who did NOT steal my bike! And that's kind of cool if you really think about it. For the most part, there are more kind, good people out there in the world. It's just those few jerks that distort our view of humanity. So if someone ripped you off today, try to remember all those people who didn't. Focus on the good. Revel in kindness.
And if you see someone on a black Pure Trek bike that looks stolen, get their address so I can send them a courteous thank you note for this life lesson.
As an aside, I'd like to take this moment and say that if YOU, person who stole my bike, due to a movie-worthy coincidence, are reading Sparkle, Sparlke, hear this: RUDE! If you had merely asked, I would have let you ride my bike around the block (obviously under my surveillance since you are not to be trusted.) But yeah, you're a big, fat jerk.
So, needless to say, I was struggling this morning. Monday always seems to punch me in the face, but today it just roundhouse kicked me in the gut. I spent most of the morning feeling totally bummed out, especially as I rode a different bike I borrowed from my parents which just wasn't the same, and was totally prepared to be thoroughly pissed off for the remainder of the day. But then I made remembered something I had heard on the radio this morning, and I'm going to pull it all together in that sparkly way you love so much.
The radio DJ this morning was talking about a woman who was studying differences between the approaches the United States and Asian countries take to education. Specifically the approaches to struggling. Through many conversations with both American and Asian families, she found that Americans tend to operate under the assumption that it's our intelligence that causes our success. On the other hand, in some Asian countries (they didn't state which ones), success is attributed to hard work and a "practice makes perfect" attitude. So when a person struggles with a concept or problem or idea, we Americans might figure the struggle is due to our lack of intelligence. Conversely, the conversations with these Asian families showed that they saw struggle as an opportunity instead of a detriment. The fact that one is struggling doesn't mean someone is dumb, it just means there's work to be done.
The obvious connection here would be to the fact that I feel that I'm struggling EVERY DAY in grad school, but no. I like to make things interesting on this blog, so I'm talking about how I'm struggling with the fact that someone took my bike! When these types of things happen, I just want to hate everyone. I struggle to remember that not everyone is a bike-stealer. But this is an opportunity to remind me that for the one person who stole my bike, there are dozens, perhaps hundreds of people who did NOT steal my bike! And that's kind of cool if you really think about it. For the most part, there are more kind, good people out there in the world. It's just those few jerks that distort our view of humanity. So if someone ripped you off today, try to remember all those people who didn't. Focus on the good. Revel in kindness.
And if you see someone on a black Pure Trek bike that looks stolen, get their address so I can send them a courteous thank you note for this life lesson.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Losing, Or... Not Winning.
Alright, I know my title isn't up to its usual clever goodness, but it's late, so give me a break, OK? I came to thinking about this post while watching the Cardinals vs. Giants game tonight. However, before I begin, I'd like to preface this by stating that I actually don't care so much about baseball, and generally I find it rather boring. (I mean, we could all save a little time if the pitchers didn't fake out first base every 3 minutes.) But I have to admit I found myself getting into the postseason last year and even more so this year, largely due to a significant person in my life who is a diehard Cards fan. So yeah, I was disappointed when the Cardinals lost tonight. I enjoy sports of any kind when they get super intense, and it's a bummer when it has to end.
Of course most of you do know that the Cardinals lost tonight. What you may not have known is that the St. John Junior Varsity volleyball team also lost tonight. (Slightly smaller headline on espn.com.) I would like to point out that I found some striking similarities and differences between the two losses that I think sheds light on life and humanity in general.
1. Losing isn't fun. I don't think that either the Cardinals or my volleyball girls enjoyed looking at the scoreboard and realizing that they were down by what seemed like an impossible amount. As I recall one of my 4th graders Molly who was out on the court and just about in tears after missing her second serve of the night, I think of David Freese, striking out for the 800th time, probably also almost in tears. David and Molly would probably have a lot to talk about after tonight. Sometimes you just can't get the job done, and losing doesn't feel good.
2. Losing is never fully lose-lose. Now, let me state for the record that I think it's ridiculous that anyone should be paid millions of dollars to swing a bat and take a lap every once in a while. But I can understand why you may think it feels worse to lose a game for a Cardinal than for a junior high volleyball player. There's a lot of money riding on those games! The whole franchise is worth millions! They should be delivering wins! Well, let me tell you what. There is a bag of Halloween goodies (including a pair of funky socks AND a pencil) that is waiting for those girls at their last practice on Wednesday. And there is probably a check for $56,000 waiting for each Cardinal when they get home, too. So it's not a total lose-lose. Everyone ends up getting what they were promised.
3. Losing doesn't last forever. There were more than a few downcast faces as the St. John JV team high-fived and "good game-ed" the other team. But a mere 4 minutes after our game was over, my volleyball girls were running around in the hallway, scrambling to get snacks from the concession stand. Now that's what I call resilience. I'd like to see the Cardinals running into the Giants' stadium after a loss, trying to snag a last-minute pretzel or hot dog. The day I see that, I'll think, "Hey. There's a guy who's got his priorities straightened out."
I guess what I'm saying is this: no one likes to lose. This much is obvious. We spend a lot of time practicing our craft to produce winners. If you're a Cardinal, you've been spending the last 20-30 years of your life intensely training for the moment when you get to make it count in front of the world. If you're a JV volleyball player, you've been spending the last eight weeks spacing out in practice and complaining that your canker sore is going to make it difficult to run laps. It's basically the same thing. So when it comes down to the wire and we can't quite nab the win, it's disappointing. However, I think if the Cardinals could all find the 4th grade girl deep inside them, they'd be better off for it. So if any of you Cardinals are reading this (Hi, guys), try to look at the bright side - there's usually ice cream waiting for you when you're done.
Of course most of you do know that the Cardinals lost tonight. What you may not have known is that the St. John Junior Varsity volleyball team also lost tonight. (Slightly smaller headline on espn.com.) I would like to point out that I found some striking similarities and differences between the two losses that I think sheds light on life and humanity in general.
1. Losing isn't fun. I don't think that either the Cardinals or my volleyball girls enjoyed looking at the scoreboard and realizing that they were down by what seemed like an impossible amount. As I recall one of my 4th graders Molly who was out on the court and just about in tears after missing her second serve of the night, I think of David Freese, striking out for the 800th time, probably also almost in tears. David and Molly would probably have a lot to talk about after tonight. Sometimes you just can't get the job done, and losing doesn't feel good.
2. Losing is never fully lose-lose. Now, let me state for the record that I think it's ridiculous that anyone should be paid millions of dollars to swing a bat and take a lap every once in a while. But I can understand why you may think it feels worse to lose a game for a Cardinal than for a junior high volleyball player. There's a lot of money riding on those games! The whole franchise is worth millions! They should be delivering wins! Well, let me tell you what. There is a bag of Halloween goodies (including a pair of funky socks AND a pencil) that is waiting for those girls at their last practice on Wednesday. And there is probably a check for $56,000 waiting for each Cardinal when they get home, too. So it's not a total lose-lose. Everyone ends up getting what they were promised.
3. Losing doesn't last forever. There were more than a few downcast faces as the St. John JV team high-fived and "good game-ed" the other team. But a mere 4 minutes after our game was over, my volleyball girls were running around in the hallway, scrambling to get snacks from the concession stand. Now that's what I call resilience. I'd like to see the Cardinals running into the Giants' stadium after a loss, trying to snag a last-minute pretzel or hot dog. The day I see that, I'll think, "Hey. There's a guy who's got his priorities straightened out."
I guess what I'm saying is this: no one likes to lose. This much is obvious. We spend a lot of time practicing our craft to produce winners. If you're a Cardinal, you've been spending the last 20-30 years of your life intensely training for the moment when you get to make it count in front of the world. If you're a JV volleyball player, you've been spending the last eight weeks spacing out in practice and complaining that your canker sore is going to make it difficult to run laps. It's basically the same thing. So when it comes down to the wire and we can't quite nab the win, it's disappointing. However, I think if the Cardinals could all find the 4th grade girl deep inside them, they'd be better off for it. So if any of you Cardinals are reading this (Hi, guys), try to look at the bright side - there's usually ice cream waiting for you when you're done.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Just When I Thought Politics Were Getting Me Down...
... I found out the worst. You guys, it's true. Emily "blahblahblah" Maynard and Jef "Yep, one 'F'" Holm from this most recent season of the Bachelorette are over. As in, they will not be living the dream with Ricki-Tick for the rest of time like we all thought they would. No tying of the knot, no elaborate wedding with a 2-hour TV special, no sneak peeks into their lives when they have beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed children together! Color me shocked and disappointed.
The state of the world today is sketchy, to say the least, and now THIS. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Just thinking of Emily fake crying while oh-so-conveniently showing off her perfect manicure is enough to bring me to my own fake tears. And poor Jef. He's probably so bummed it didn't work out that he can't even gel his hair into that perfect Greased Lightening coif. (Just kidding. That would never happen.) And let's not forget the star player of this ill-fated season of the Bachelorette - Ricki. That girl is probably so confused as to why her mother protected her like some sort of mama bear on steroids, only to bring a strange man into the house for a mere three months of lovin'. At least we know that Emily's not sending any mixed signals to her impressionable daughter...
And speaking of impressionable, I have to admit, I was the fool. I thought this love would last. It breaks my heart to see that yet another reality show couple has bit the dust. I only hope they can find some sort of consolation in the fact that they're each ridiculously beautiful, or the fact that they're both so obviously loaded (I mean seriously, what single mom lives in a house like that?), or in the fact that they'll continue to be D-list celebrities for the next seven years. Maybe Emily will wheedle her way back onto the Bachelor to win Sean's heart, this time for real, people.
I am so distraught. I keep thinking, "What could I have done to stop this from happening?" And I always come back to the same answer. If only they would have read Sparkle, Sparlke, they would have found the answers to life's questions and the solution to saving their relationship! So as my gift to the world, I will somehow find a way to make this blog visible to Sean Lowe as the new season of the Bachelor starts. I will give him my advice, encouragement, and a little Sparlke to keep him going during those taxing luxury vacation dates. And when the show ends in happily ever after, I'll know I did my part to fill the world with the true joy and love that only a strangers-to-engaged-couple-in-60-days can bring. You're welcome, everyone.
The state of the world today is sketchy, to say the least, and now THIS. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Just thinking of Emily fake crying while oh-so-conveniently showing off her perfect manicure is enough to bring me to my own fake tears. And poor Jef. He's probably so bummed it didn't work out that he can't even gel his hair into that perfect Greased Lightening coif. (Just kidding. That would never happen.) And let's not forget the star player of this ill-fated season of the Bachelorette - Ricki. That girl is probably so confused as to why her mother protected her like some sort of mama bear on steroids, only to bring a strange man into the house for a mere three months of lovin'. At least we know that Emily's not sending any mixed signals to her impressionable daughter...
And speaking of impressionable, I have to admit, I was the fool. I thought this love would last. It breaks my heart to see that yet another reality show couple has bit the dust. I only hope they can find some sort of consolation in the fact that they're each ridiculously beautiful, or the fact that they're both so obviously loaded (I mean seriously, what single mom lives in a house like that?), or in the fact that they'll continue to be D-list celebrities for the next seven years. Maybe Emily will wheedle her way back onto the Bachelor to win Sean's heart, this time for real, people.
I am so distraught. I keep thinking, "What could I have done to stop this from happening?" And I always come back to the same answer. If only they would have read Sparkle, Sparlke, they would have found the answers to life's questions and the solution to saving their relationship! So as my gift to the world, I will somehow find a way to make this blog visible to Sean Lowe as the new season of the Bachelor starts. I will give him my advice, encouragement, and a little Sparlke to keep him going during those taxing luxury vacation dates. And when the show ends in happily ever after, I'll know I did my part to fill the world with the true joy and love that only a strangers-to-engaged-couple-in-60-days can bring. You're welcome, everyone.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Why People Go To School, Or What I Tell Myself When I'm Starting To Feel Real Dumb
So there's this theory out there that you go to school to learn stuff. Wacky, right? Apparently you don't waste your time in class if you already know everything. Which is weird because I inevitably have this moment during every class where I start to panic because I feel like I don't understand anything. My mind starts reeling through the following thoughts:
"Oh my gosh. That person just said something that sounded really smart. They used a word that I don't even know. I wish I could get out my cell phone and look it up. But then I would just look like I'm texting, and I don't want the professor to think I'm a slacker. Maybe I should start bringing a dictionary to class. But then I would look really dumb, like I don't know any of the words. I'd use context clues if I knew what the rest of their sentence meant... wait, I should be listening to the prof's response. OK, wait, what's he talking about now? How did we get from that to this? I'm so confused. Maybe I should just nod a little... yeah, that's good. At least I look like I'm on the right page. Oh my gosh, I totally don't get what that person just said, but it sounded really intelligent..."
Or you know, something to that extent. It's usually at this point where I have a small mental breakdown and question my ability to complete grad school and also my entire life. Then I move to the resentful stage, which goes something like this:
"Ugh! I still don't get what we're talking about! What the heck is phenomenology anyways?? How is this going to impact my life? I mean, will I seriously not get a job if I can't explain the premise of this existential essay? I just want to talk about something that seems more relevant. I just want to say SOMETHING PERTINENT AND NOT SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT!"
Please note that instead of "phenomenology," you could insert any number of words that have about eight syllables each. And sometimes words that only have one syllable but are still confusing anyway. After I get a little worked up (still in my mind, rest assured), I move into the stage of shame, which sounds like this:
"Oh man, I know this must be important somehow. It's not the professor's fault if I'm just not bright enough to get it. But everyone else seems to basically know what's going on. Is that true? Or are they just as confused as me? Definitely not that person... or that person... or that person... they all have insightful comments. If I could just follow this train of thought for like five minutes, I might be able to get back on track. Ughhhhh, I don't know anything."
And eventually I'll circle 'round again to Phase 1: Utter Confusion. It's great! It strikes me that perhaps this process could be diagnosable as some sort of Perpetual Cycle of Perceived Academic Inferiority. I mean, if that's a real thing, I definitely have it... or am in it, or whatever.
I have to consciously remind myself that I'm in school precisely because I don't know everything. If I did, I'd not only not be in school, I'd probably be out like, instating world peace or something. But instead, I'm here. In grad school, working my mind's butt off (nice image, eh?) everyday to understand what the texts are saying, what my classmates are saying, what the professor is saying, and how it all fits together to make that thing called "art history." And when I remind myself this, I get a little faint glow of hope in my soul that eventually I'll understand the things that I struggle with today. I won't ever know everything, but I'll know more things, and that's a pretty cool thought. For those of you who are still in school (or if you're not, but still feel clueless about your job or life), remember this: You don't have to know everything now. Remind yourself that life is a learning process and it's supposed to be that way. And keep your mind open! Because that's how the knowledge gets in there.
Friday, September 21, 2012
A Day in The Life of an Art History Grad Student
Because I know you all were constantly wondering what it is that I do with my days, I will enlighten you on the daily schedule (more or less) of a graduate student in art history. Get ready to be very, very jealous.
7:45 - Alarm goes off. Commence to snooze for appropriate amount of time.
8:15 - Snooze one more time.
8:22 - Get up too quickly and immediately get massive head rush and almost fall over.
9:13 - Leave apartment to head to the class I'm TA-ing. Spend one whole minute trying to get the lock off my bike.
9:15-9:25 - Constant prayer mode that I do not get sideswiped by a bus while riding my bike. (Yes, I have an awesome helmet, but how much can that do when up against a bus??)
9:30-10:50 - Sit in the back of TA class and periodically tell people to get off Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest/etc. Feel really bad about this because I do not like confrontation.
10:55-11:05 - More prayer on the ride back to my apartment.
11:10-3:00 - Read various philosophical or theoretical texts. "Wait!" You say, "I thought you were in art history, not philosophy!" Yeah, I was under the same impression. However, it's all lofty theory at this point - how to achieve absolute knowledge and true self-consciousness and stuff. I'm sure it will all tie in at some point. Otherwise I will be just a little bit peeved. Oh, and I also eat lunch in here at some point, often accompanied by an episode of Friends, because seriously. I need to stay sane somehow.
3:15-3:25 - Wonder how long I will be able to hold out before I no longer want to ride my bike to class. As of now, it is still charming and pleasant, but come 30 degrees and slush, I may change my tune.
3:30-6:20 - Class. Hey remember when those 75 minute classes at Valpo used to feel so long? Ha! Those were the days. Usually we get a break, but not all the time! So that's a full 2 hours and 50 minutes of me feeling a little dumber every time someone says something really intelligent, when all I want is a dictionary so I can look up some of those big words they're using.
6:30-6:40 - Ride home dazedly on my bike. Feel as though brain has turned to mush. Not much time to recuperate though because ...
6:45-7:10 - Dinner of some sort, usually of the sandwich variety these days.
7:15-whenever I can't stand it anymore - Read, read, read! OK, I'll be honest, I'm not constantly reading the ENTIRE time. Sometimes when it gets to the point where I feel like I'm just "looking" at the page and no longer "reading," I'll take a break to check every social media outlet, hoping I can find some posts with improper use of grammar so at least I can feel self-righteous about that! Then I head back to the arena where I no longer feel I understand the English language at all... it's a balancing game, people.
12:00ish - Fall into bed and complete one Sudoku puzzle out of my little book, because I find it's therapeutic to end the day under the theme, "And now for something completely different..."
So that's basically it! I bet all of you are already Google searching the application requirements for art history, right? I thought so. In all seriousness, it's not too bad though. I have always been a nerd at heart and I enjoy school, even when I spend most of the time feeling very confused. As Papa Lange always said, "Think of it as a game! A puzzle you have to solve!" Granted, he was talking about math and I never thought it was very good advice. Worst game EVER, Dad. But I digress. As much as I complain, I like the challenge of a good puzzle. And I have been doing a lot of puzzling thus far. I suspect I will continue puzzling to some degree for the next two years. But hopefully at the end of it all, I'll be a much brighter person and also be qualified for some sort of employment. (That's really the true puzzle right now, right?)
I guess I forgot to mention all of the procrastination I do, too. That should result in an influx of Sparlke, Sparkle posts. Now you're really feeling lucky...
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Grad School, Or Why I Suspect My Eyeballs May Fall Out Before May 2014
Hello all! It's that time of year! I've turned the AC off and opened the windows to let the brisk fall air sweep through my apartment. The leaves are starting to turn their respective shades of red, gold and orange. Football season is in full swing (as is volleyball, but no one seems to care about that) and we Illinois fans are hunkering down for another long season of mediocrity. Isn't it great?! Oh yeah, also I will miss ALL of that because I will be reading until the END OF TIME.
Let me take about five lines of blog here to vent juuuust a little bit. How do the professors think we can get all this reading done?? I'm talking about hundreds upon hundreds of pages per week! It's crazy! And it's not like reading Harry Potter... it's reading Hegel! I thought Kant was really difficult to get through, and now I'm reading Hegel and Kant is starting to look more and more like Harry Potter... I'm not a slow reader generally, but I'm averaging about 30 pages every 2 hours. Yikes.
And scene! That's it people, that's the true story of my life. I feel a little bad complaining because how many times did I try to get into grad school? (Answer: more than once.) So I know that this opportunity is a huge blessing and I honestly do feel excited to go to class and see what the discussion will bring. However, it is pretty overwhelming at the same time. Maybe I'm just not quite back in "student mode" all the way. I still want my evenings to be free for relaxing, but alas, this is not to be so.
And yet of course I'm not literally reading every single second of the day. Of course I give myself breaks or I'd go insane. I hang out with friends or go see my fam because it changes the pace a little bit. It's just a lot of work and I'm still learning how to balance it all. But that's sort of just life, eh? Doesn't everyone have a big project at work or a huge paper to write or a house to clean or something and it just seems like it's taking over your life? I know they say death is the great equalizer, but I'm willing to debate that it might be stress.
As your fall gets into swing, I hope you find time for balance in your life. Try to remember that at the end of the day, you did what you could. And if you didn't really do what you could, you can try again tomorrow. No one can be motivated 100% of the time. It's OK to take a break now and then. Maybe I'm just trying to reassure myself, but I do believe the old saying, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." And I really don't want to wake up one morning to find the news talking about how one of my friends got so consumed by his or her work that they chased their loved ones around with an ax and ended up freezing to death in a hedge maze. I just don't! It's morbid. So, please, for everyone's sake and safety, do a little something you love at least once a day, even if it's just a for a few minutes. You'll thank yourself, and people will probably want to be around you more often too! (You know, because of the lack of ax.)
Well, now that I've gone on for a while here, it's time for me to get some reading done...
Let me take about five lines of blog here to vent juuuust a little bit. How do the professors think we can get all this reading done?? I'm talking about hundreds upon hundreds of pages per week! It's crazy! And it's not like reading Harry Potter... it's reading Hegel! I thought Kant was really difficult to get through, and now I'm reading Hegel and Kant is starting to look more and more like Harry Potter... I'm not a slow reader generally, but I'm averaging about 30 pages every 2 hours. Yikes.
And scene! That's it people, that's the true story of my life. I feel a little bad complaining because how many times did I try to get into grad school? (Answer: more than once.) So I know that this opportunity is a huge blessing and I honestly do feel excited to go to class and see what the discussion will bring. However, it is pretty overwhelming at the same time. Maybe I'm just not quite back in "student mode" all the way. I still want my evenings to be free for relaxing, but alas, this is not to be so.
And yet of course I'm not literally reading every single second of the day. Of course I give myself breaks or I'd go insane. I hang out with friends or go see my fam because it changes the pace a little bit. It's just a lot of work and I'm still learning how to balance it all. But that's sort of just life, eh? Doesn't everyone have a big project at work or a huge paper to write or a house to clean or something and it just seems like it's taking over your life? I know they say death is the great equalizer, but I'm willing to debate that it might be stress.
As your fall gets into swing, I hope you find time for balance in your life. Try to remember that at the end of the day, you did what you could. And if you didn't really do what you could, you can try again tomorrow. No one can be motivated 100% of the time. It's OK to take a break now and then. Maybe I'm just trying to reassure myself, but I do believe the old saying, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." And I really don't want to wake up one morning to find the news talking about how one of my friends got so consumed by his or her work that they chased their loved ones around with an ax and ended up freezing to death in a hedge maze. I just don't! It's morbid. So, please, for everyone's sake and safety, do a little something you love at least once a day, even if it's just a for a few minutes. You'll thank yourself, and people will probably want to be around you more often too! (You know, because of the lack of ax.)
Well, now that I've gone on for a while here, it's time for me to get some reading done...
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Re-Discovering Home, Or "When Did This Become A Super Target?!"
So I'm back in Champaign! For two years, at least. We'll see where the wind carries me after that. I'm not even starting to think about starting to think about that step of the road. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my first weeks back in my hometown. I love being close to my family. Not only because it means I can go home to mooch off the food at my parents' house, but also because I'll get to see them more than 4 times a year! Hooray!
I have to say though, I'm finding it a tad strange that the city of Champaign thought it would be OK to change and progress with without me. For example, some stores that were in one place when I last lived here are in totally different places, and some are COMPLETELY GONE. Some have upgraded (i.e. the Super Target of this post's title) and others have just cropped up out of no where! Apparently there is a "Cactus Grill" near my apartment. I have not heard of Cactus Grill, nor did I approve this move-in. (However, they are hiring delivery people, so I suppose there might be a back-up career for me...) Other crazy things are happening here too, like my old grade school adding an entirely new set of swings! What's going on!?
Alright, I'm willing to admit I may be overreacting just a tad. (Just a tad.) But it does feel a little odd to have someone ask me "Do you know where ________ is?" and even give me the area of town, and I can hardly picture it in my mind. I did live here for a solid 14 years before college and then off and on in little chunks since then. Either I have to admit that my brain is turning to slime at a very early age or that, yes, things do change.
Dang it! I hate admitting that change happens regardless of whether I want it to or not. I'm Type A to the core, and I like to control things. (Surprise anyone?) If I had my druthers, Champaign would be perpetually stuck in 2006 unless I OK'ed any sort of alterations. But I guess the thing about druthers is that you usually can't have them. (Although this may be alright, because if you picture the word "druthers"... well, it's not really visually appealing.)
Anyhow, now I can tell I'm rambling a little bit. I guess the whole point of this is to say that while I'm so happy to be back in Champaign, it is still a little bit like moving somewhere new, and it takes adjustment. It's not perfect, but nowhere is. The best I can do is make this time beautiful by working hard and enjoying the small moments. Which I suppose is the only thing most of us can do anyway. In the meantime, I'll be dusting off my sparkle from wherever I packed it and looking for a place to hang it in my new apartment...
Friday, August 3, 2012
Seward, NE: A Case Study in Love-Hate Relationships
I'm nearing the end of my time here in Nebraska and as promised, you're about to join me on the introspective adventure that is recalling the past two years of my life in the rural midwest. Hold on to your bootstraps, kids, these gravel roads are pretty bumpy!
Now, don't worry. I haven't been living THAT far out in the country. We do have paved roads here in Seward, and a lot of other great amenities such as electricity, indoor plumbing, and cable TV. It's all happening, people!
Oh, I jest. As much as people probably think all of Nebraska is straight-up out of Little House on the Prairie, it's pretty much like everywhere else, except there's fewer people and less crime. In a lot of ways, Nebraska is exactly what you think it is: farms for miles and miles, slower way of life, and a freakish obsession with the Huskers. But there's other stuff going on here too. There's hipsters and minorities and all sorts of stuff you probably didn't think existed here! It's not as backwoods as you might assume. That all being said, I've got pretty mixed feelings about leaving this state.
When I arrived here in 2010 (SO LONG AGO), I was wearing my sludge-colored glasses. I pretty much disliked everything and everyone and didn't really want to be convinced otherwise. I'm not proud of my attitude, but life was kind of topsy-turvy for me at that point. If you'd like the really long version, just go back in the Sparlke, Sparkle archives. At first I just thought I would be here for the summer, then the summer turned into "no more than one year" and then "no more than one year" turned into "DEFINITELY no more than two years"... I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I was going to get myself out of this place.
But now that I'm about to leave (and going "home!") there are surely some things I'm going to miss. So instead of dwelling on the lack of Starbucks, Targets or decent grocery stores, I'll just touch on some of the things that I think I'll find myself pining away for (occasionally) when I get back to Champaign.
Lower gas usage! As long as I'm staying in Seward, a tank of gas in my trusty Cruiser will last weeks! My drive to work literally lasted less than one song on the radio. Going to Wal-Mart, which required a 3 minute jaunt on the highway, really started to feel taxing. In Seward, you will frequently hear people saying, "Eh, I don't want to go all the way out to Wal-Mart." AKA, I don't want to drive 7 minutes. But it was pretty nice living in a place where everything was within a few minutes.
The Movie Rental Store! And the Rivoli! If there's one place where inflation hasn't seemed to take hold, it's the Movie Rental Store and Seward's charming one-theater Rivoli. At the Movie Rental Store, you can rent 3 movies for 3 days for $3.50! Take that, Blockbuster! And if you're into immediate gratification, take that, Netflix! Catching a flick at the Rivoli costs about $7 if it's not a 3D film, but the concession costs are the real kicker. A medium popcorn and drink can be had for less than $5! Take THAT, every movie theater who thinks that $12 for popcorn is somehow justifiable. (And yes, sometimes I did go to the movie theater to buy popcorn and take it home to watch my own movie.)
The sky! OK, I know that Montana is the self-proclaimed "Big Sky" state, but I think Nebraska could give it a pretty decent run for its money as far as expansive atmosphere goes. When all you can see are fields for miles, the sky somehow seems to reach farther in every direction. And the colors that show up in the evening are by far the best I've seen. They might not be the cliché beach sunsets that plaster calendar spreads, but the variety and brilliance of color in this huge Nebraska sky is just divine. Not to mention, we get a super long summer twilight here. So while states on the east end of the time zone seem to fade from afternoon to night in a matter of minutes, this region gets to relax in the most wonderful time of day from about 7 - 9:30, where the colors change by the minute and it doesn't get fully dark until 10.
Oh and there are more things I'll miss too... the nostalgia of everything that Seward has been to me through my whole life, everything that is tied up in my family's traditions at the 4th of July and Christmas, the way you can find places in this town where no one else is if you just need to be alone, the people that wave at you as you drive past - even if they don't know you, the old farmers who wear their hats perched right on top of their heads, the deep ties everyone seems to have with the land and the rain (my grandpa has a special calendar just to record each hundredth of precipitation), and the delicious donuts of the Bakery downtown.
One of my favorite things in Seward is this mural, because I think it sums up perfectly everything about this state:
So I'll leave here with mostly fond memories (I won't miss the relentless wind, extreme temperatures, or that claustrophobic small-town feeling). It's been a place where I changed and grew and became more of a real adult. So long Seward, Sparlke on.
But now that I'm about to leave (and going "home!") there are surely some things I'm going to miss. So instead of dwelling on the lack of Starbucks, Targets or decent grocery stores, I'll just touch on some of the things that I think I'll find myself pining away for (occasionally) when I get back to Champaign.
Lower gas usage! As long as I'm staying in Seward, a tank of gas in my trusty Cruiser will last weeks! My drive to work literally lasted less than one song on the radio. Going to Wal-Mart, which required a 3 minute jaunt on the highway, really started to feel taxing. In Seward, you will frequently hear people saying, "Eh, I don't want to go all the way out to Wal-Mart." AKA, I don't want to drive 7 minutes. But it was pretty nice living in a place where everything was within a few minutes.
The Movie Rental Store! And the Rivoli! If there's one place where inflation hasn't seemed to take hold, it's the Movie Rental Store and Seward's charming one-theater Rivoli. At the Movie Rental Store, you can rent 3 movies for 3 days for $3.50! Take that, Blockbuster! And if you're into immediate gratification, take that, Netflix! Catching a flick at the Rivoli costs about $7 if it's not a 3D film, but the concession costs are the real kicker. A medium popcorn and drink can be had for less than $5! Take THAT, every movie theater who thinks that $12 for popcorn is somehow justifiable. (And yes, sometimes I did go to the movie theater to buy popcorn and take it home to watch my own movie.)
The sky! OK, I know that Montana is the self-proclaimed "Big Sky" state, but I think Nebraska could give it a pretty decent run for its money as far as expansive atmosphere goes. When all you can see are fields for miles, the sky somehow seems to reach farther in every direction. And the colors that show up in the evening are by far the best I've seen. They might not be the cliché beach sunsets that plaster calendar spreads, but the variety and brilliance of color in this huge Nebraska sky is just divine. Not to mention, we get a super long summer twilight here. So while states on the east end of the time zone seem to fade from afternoon to night in a matter of minutes, this region gets to relax in the most wonderful time of day from about 7 - 9:30, where the colors change by the minute and it doesn't get fully dark until 10.
Oh and there are more things I'll miss too... the nostalgia of everything that Seward has been to me through my whole life, everything that is tied up in my family's traditions at the 4th of July and Christmas, the way you can find places in this town where no one else is if you just need to be alone, the people that wave at you as you drive past - even if they don't know you, the old farmers who wear their hats perched right on top of their heads, the deep ties everyone seems to have with the land and the rain (my grandpa has a special calendar just to record each hundredth of precipitation), and the delicious donuts of the Bakery downtown.
One of my favorite things in Seward is this mural, because I think it sums up perfectly everything about this state:
So I'll leave here with mostly fond memories (I won't miss the relentless wind, extreme temperatures, or that claustrophobic small-town feeling). It's been a place where I changed and grew and became more of a real adult. So long Seward, Sparlke on.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Daily Inspiration
Courtesy of @cheitkamp, I have this sweet little message to pass on today. You know sometimes when you go to an antique mall (What? No one else does that? I'm the only secretly 65-year-old-lady here? OK.) and you're looking at the old-fashionedy Christmas ornaments that have glitter on them, but the glitter is sort of flaking off and not that glittery anymore? Well, friends, that's what will happen to all of us if we don't protect our sparlke like our lives depended on it! We may be getting older, but I'd like to think we're getting shinier too. (And not in a bad T-zone sort of way.) So don't let anyone dull your sparkle. And certainly don't dull your own sparkle. Polish it up, show it off, shine on.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Losing Your iPhone Contacts: A Life Metaphor
Hey, hey, hey! I bet that intriguing title really pulled you in to this post, eh? You're in for a treat. This is going to be one of those great sparkly posts where I take a dull, basically insignificant event from my real life and explode it into a genius analogy for the way life works. It takes someone reaaaally special to do this, I know, I know.
It all started last night when I was messing around on my iPhone and wanted to use the "Reminders" app. "What a great new app that I now have after updating to iOS 5.0.whatever!" I thought to myself, "I can keep track of my To-Do lists here, instead of writing myself a million post-its that inevitably get lost and don't actually help me remember anything."
Little did I know, the iPhone (coy little b-yotch that she is) was thinking, "Uh, yeahhhh NO. You're not gonna be doing that."
So this is sort of how our metaphorical conversation went last night:
iPhone: You wanna use the Reminders app, huh? Well SUCK IT! There's no way to add a new task!
Me: Hush, child. I will just be oh-so-computer savvy and Google search remedies for this predicament.
iPhone: *growling in protest*
Me: See?? Look! All I have to do is delete my iCloud account and the appropriate "+" should show up so I can add tasks to my list. Easy peasy!
iPhone: Hmm. Foiled again by the Apple Discussion Boards. You'd better watch your back. Soon I will exact my revenge on you. MWahahahaha.
Me: *Blissfully unaware of this last comment, adding new tasks to my To-Do list.*
Well, this morning started out like it normally does: Me hating life because I have to get out of bed ... wait, that's irrelevant. Anyhow, I needed to call my dad at some point this morning and realized...
ALL OF MY CONTACTS WERE GONE.
Me: *Smacking iPhone awake after its evil slumber* WTF have you done with my contacts, jerk?
iPhone: *silence*
"Fiiiiine," I thought. "I'll just go back to the discussion boards again and solve this problem." Unfortunately, there were about 50 suggested solutions, none of which worked for me and my cray-cray phone. At this point, I'm about to give up, when I realize that I can go back to my old texts and manually re-add everyone. Problem solved.
What does this have to do with life, you ask? Well, I realized today that sometimes you have to take the annoying, tedious route through life. There's not always a quick fix for losing all your contacts. Or making it as an artist/singer/firefighter/insert preferred career path here. When you want something in life, we always look first for the time-saving option (which isn't bad, sometimes you DO save a lot of time.) But other times, you just have to shake your fist at the iPhone/institution aka "The Man" and say "FINE. I'll do it the hard way, but goshdarnit I WILL DO IT."
So next time you have a goal in mind (restore contacts/secure financial future/achieve childhood dream/etc.), get after it! It won't be easy, and you might be tempted to give it all up in the process. But once you finally get that final contact entered using the irritatingly small little touchscreen buttons (for example), you'll feel soooo much better about yourself and life in general.
Final words of advice: Follow your heart, don't give up on your dreams, and for goodness' sake, don't get on the bad side of your phone. And don't use iCloud.
Sparlke on, pals.
It all started last night when I was messing around on my iPhone and wanted to use the "Reminders" app. "What a great new app that I now have after updating to iOS 5.0.whatever!" I thought to myself, "I can keep track of my To-Do lists here, instead of writing myself a million post-its that inevitably get lost and don't actually help me remember anything."
Little did I know, the iPhone (coy little b-yotch that she is) was thinking, "Uh, yeahhhh NO. You're not gonna be doing that."
So this is sort of how our metaphorical conversation went last night:
iPhone: You wanna use the Reminders app, huh? Well SUCK IT! There's no way to add a new task!
Me: Hush, child. I will just be oh-so-computer savvy and Google search remedies for this predicament.
iPhone: *growling in protest*
Me: See?? Look! All I have to do is delete my iCloud account and the appropriate "+" should show up so I can add tasks to my list. Easy peasy!
iPhone: Hmm. Foiled again by the Apple Discussion Boards. You'd better watch your back. Soon I will exact my revenge on you. MWahahahaha.
Me: *Blissfully unaware of this last comment, adding new tasks to my To-Do list.*
Well, this morning started out like it normally does: Me hating life because I have to get out of bed ... wait, that's irrelevant. Anyhow, I needed to call my dad at some point this morning and realized...
ALL OF MY CONTACTS WERE GONE.
Me: *Smacking iPhone awake after its evil slumber* WTF have you done with my contacts, jerk?
iPhone: *silence*
"Fiiiiine," I thought. "I'll just go back to the discussion boards again and solve this problem." Unfortunately, there were about 50 suggested solutions, none of which worked for me and my cray-cray phone. At this point, I'm about to give up, when I realize that I can go back to my old texts and manually re-add everyone. Problem solved.
What does this have to do with life, you ask? Well, I realized today that sometimes you have to take the annoying, tedious route through life. There's not always a quick fix for losing all your contacts. Or making it as an artist/singer/firefighter/insert preferred career path here. When you want something in life, we always look first for the time-saving option (which isn't bad, sometimes you DO save a lot of time.) But other times, you just have to shake your fist at the iPhone/institution aka "The Man" and say "FINE. I'll do it the hard way, but goshdarnit I WILL DO IT."
So next time you have a goal in mind (restore contacts/secure financial future/achieve childhood dream/etc.), get after it! It won't be easy, and you might be tempted to give it all up in the process. But once you finally get that final contact entered using the irritatingly small little touchscreen buttons (for example), you'll feel soooo much better about yourself and life in general.
Final words of advice: Follow your heart, don't give up on your dreams, and for goodness' sake, don't get on the bad side of your phone. And don't use iCloud.
Sparlke on, pals.
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Times They Are A-Changin'...
Yikes. It's been quite some time since I've updated Sparlke, Sparkle. I'm glad to see Deva has done some work since I've been gone... the tables have turned, eh? But here I am again, taking an hour of vacation time from work (I've accumulated almost 40, I can take 1 for no good reason, alright?) to update you with the meaningless meanderings of my mind. (Alliteration for the win!)
As the title of this post may have hinted, the times they ARE a-changin'. Even the blogger platform has changed, and I'm writing this with a little bit of anxiety because I have no idea if this is going to work. Have I mentioned that I don't like change? It makes my head hurt.
I'd better get over it however, because there are a lot of changes coming up for me. Like moving for the 13th time in 6 years. (Yes, I counted in AND out of each dorm room, apartment, etc. Packing is packing and it's always annoying no matter how far you're going.) This time I'm moving to an apartment that I've never even seen, save for a few photos that my mom snapped. The amount of trust I have put in my mother to know whether an apartment will be acceptable for living is astronomical, folks. Seriously, I would leave the job to no other person on this planet. That being said, I'm still a little nervous about the things that don't really show up in pictures... you know, the flaking paint, the grime on the sink, the caulk in the bathroom that desperately needs re-caulking. And I have to admit, I get a little real estate jealous when I see people on facebook in apartments with hardwood floors, fireplaces and crown molding. Oh well, I guess when you're going back to being a full-time student, you can't complain about the details.
And speeeeaking of being a full-time student again, did I mention I'm nervous about that too? As much as I get tired of my job from time to time, I do enjoy the whole "leave it at work" mentality. If I want to watch TV all night, I CAN. And I like making money! (Who would have guessed!) It's nice to be able to spring for a new pair of shoes just because, or like, buy food. I'm not sure these treats will be available for me come August. Well, hopefully the food will be or otherwise I'll be going on an unintentionally severe diet. At any rate, it's going to be an adjustment to get back to the college life without any of the fun parts of the college life. Seems as though when you get older you have to slowly extract from your life all the great stuff about being a young 20-something... staying out late for no good reason, seeing your friends every day, eating an entire bag of cheddar and sour cream chips and not caring at all... good stuff. I'm sure there are probably some good things about being a mid-20-something in grad school. I wish I could bring my friends with me to guarantee my sanity. Guess I'll have to settle for bringing the chips... if I can afford them.
And as for leaving Nebraska? Well that's an emotional hairball that demands its own post. So tune in next time for when I delve deep into the meaning of the "love-hate relationship." You know you're excited.
Sparlke on, pals.
As the title of this post may have hinted, the times they ARE a-changin'. Even the blogger platform has changed, and I'm writing this with a little bit of anxiety because I have no idea if this is going to work. Have I mentioned that I don't like change? It makes my head hurt.
I'd better get over it however, because there are a lot of changes coming up for me. Like moving for the 13th time in 6 years. (Yes, I counted in AND out of each dorm room, apartment, etc. Packing is packing and it's always annoying no matter how far you're going.) This time I'm moving to an apartment that I've never even seen, save for a few photos that my mom snapped. The amount of trust I have put in my mother to know whether an apartment will be acceptable for living is astronomical, folks. Seriously, I would leave the job to no other person on this planet. That being said, I'm still a little nervous about the things that don't really show up in pictures... you know, the flaking paint, the grime on the sink, the caulk in the bathroom that desperately needs re-caulking. And I have to admit, I get a little real estate jealous when I see people on facebook in apartments with hardwood floors, fireplaces and crown molding. Oh well, I guess when you're going back to being a full-time student, you can't complain about the details.
And speeeeaking of being a full-time student again, did I mention I'm nervous about that too? As much as I get tired of my job from time to time, I do enjoy the whole "leave it at work" mentality. If I want to watch TV all night, I CAN. And I like making money! (Who would have guessed!) It's nice to be able to spring for a new pair of shoes just because, or like, buy food. I'm not sure these treats will be available for me come August. Well, hopefully the food will be or otherwise I'll be going on an unintentionally severe diet. At any rate, it's going to be an adjustment to get back to the college life without any of the fun parts of the college life. Seems as though when you get older you have to slowly extract from your life all the great stuff about being a young 20-something... staying out late for no good reason, seeing your friends every day, eating an entire bag of cheddar and sour cream chips and not caring at all... good stuff. I'm sure there are probably some good things about being a mid-20-something in grad school. I wish I could bring my friends with me to guarantee my sanity. Guess I'll have to settle for bringing the chips... if I can afford them.
And as for leaving Nebraska? Well that's an emotional hairball that demands its own post. So tune in next time for when I delve deep into the meaning of the "love-hate relationship." You know you're excited.
Sparlke on, pals.
Friday, June 1, 2012
B
Once upon a time at our local DCFS office, there worked a wonderful receptionist. You see, often times the people I talk to on the phone are not so happy. Either they are sad, they are scared or they are just plain annoyed to hear from me. But not this person, no "B", as we will call her, is always happy to hear from me.
I don't know how she does it. I want to be her.
This complete stranger not only goes out of her way to help me, but did so much as to mail me some releases I sent over to be signed weeks previously. Attached was a post-it that had written on it "Smile, Devin." Along with this message was a rainbow and a smiley face sun. I hung the post-it above my desk. (Do you think she knows how frazzled I am? haha)
Often times I feel vulnerable at work, but it's nice to know that people can be kind, and moreover, people can be unnecessarily kind.
I called her and thanked her profusely and she just giggled and said, "That tiny little sun took me a couple minutes. I'm glad you liked it." I feel like she's my ally, but I don't even know what she looks like. I don't know how else to thank this stranger, except to write a blog post about her.... and tell her I appreciate her and her kindness, and send it out into the universe. (If anyone else has any more suggestions that are not creepy, please comment.)
I don't know about you, but I'm going to strive to send a little more "B" like gestures out into the universe. Kind is in, didn't you know? It's like I tell the kids at work, "You don't have to like someone or even know them to be kind to them."
So, goodnight, dear B, whoever you are.
I don't know how she does it. I want to be her.
This complete stranger not only goes out of her way to help me, but did so much as to mail me some releases I sent over to be signed weeks previously. Attached was a post-it that had written on it "Smile, Devin." Along with this message was a rainbow and a smiley face sun. I hung the post-it above my desk. (Do you think she knows how frazzled I am? haha)
Often times I feel vulnerable at work, but it's nice to know that people can be kind, and moreover, people can be unnecessarily kind.
I called her and thanked her profusely and she just giggled and said, "That tiny little sun took me a couple minutes. I'm glad you liked it." I feel like she's my ally, but I don't even know what she looks like. I don't know how else to thank this stranger, except to write a blog post about her.... and tell her I appreciate her and her kindness, and send it out into the universe. (If anyone else has any more suggestions that are not creepy, please comment.)
I don't know about you, but I'm going to strive to send a little more "B" like gestures out into the universe. Kind is in, didn't you know? It's like I tell the kids at work, "You don't have to like someone or even know them to be kind to them."
So, goodnight, dear B, whoever you are.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Excellent Boiled Potatoes.
Jane Austen is my Homegirl.
How does she do it? I've read Pride and Prejudice (only) twice, and am only beginning to dive into Emma, but I can't get enough of Ms. Austen's writing. I feel as though I may be a few years late to the party, but this will not stop me from giving a hearty shout-out to the lady who has become one of my literary heros.
But in really analyzing what it is about Jane's (and yes we are close enough that I'm allowed to call her by her first name) books that I love so much, I realize that it was Pride and Prejudice the movie that actually sparked my love for Jane Austen. Have you ever seen the 2005 version with Kiera Knightly and Co.? You really should. I would literally watch that movie weekly if I had the time, and actually there have been weeks that I have watched it more than once.
It is a comfort to me. The beautiful score immediately improves my mood, no matter what the mood is. The sun rising over the titles just makes me sigh deeply and I'm gone. I'm taken away, corny as that is, and I'm part of that world. I love the ball scenes when I can imagine myself making an idiot of myself dancing and drinking. I long to be Lizzy and Jane and Charlotte's friend. I so want to be in their club. I want to have sisters that annoy me but for whom I'd also walk miles in the mud to see. I admire Mr. Bennett's calm, sarcastic and then finally sweet mannerisms. I love Mary's secret love for Mr. Collins. I cheer every time Elizabeth "zings" Mr. Darcy at the ball that first time. I cry every time Mr. Bingley proposes to Jane, and I feel relieved when Darcy and Lizzy finally get over themselves and get together. God help me, I even find myself being endeared to that anxious Mrs. Bennett.
The point is, I can recite this movie front to back, middle to finish, ten ways from Thursday. I know what to expect, I know how it ends, but I keep coming back for more. I also think it's extremely curious that in this case, my obsession is with a story that is told by film, although many people would argue that the book is a great deal different, and probably better. AND it's not even the ORIGINAL movie version. But I don't care. I think it's glorious. You can't help what you like, you know?
And in my case, you can't help what you adore.
I think my point here is that I am a huge supporter of whatever it is that you like. If you like a cover of Jason Mraz's cover of "Space Cowboy", do it. Like it. Love it. Whatever, you want, pals. Steve Miller doesn't mind and neither do I. Some things are so great that they need to be redone and revamped and re-shown and remade. It doesn't make the original any less important, or you any less important for loving the later versions.
Thank you for going along with me on this little rant. I'm going to get back to P&P now. It's almost time for the "white" ball, and I love me some single-shot party scenes.
Peace. Love. Re-makes.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Bad, Bad, Bad.
Happy Spring, Sparkly Ones! I'm hoping that these past few months have brought you all things good.
So, I'm here to bring you some perspective on something that not many people like to talk about: bad stuff. Yep. Negative, horrible, terrible, horrific, unfathomable, nasty, unbearable bad stuff. Sounds like fun, right!?
Well, I'm sorry. But here's the deal: it happens. It actually happens quite a lot, unfortunately, and I think we can handle it. Here's why: in my line of work I hear about some not only bad but disgusting things, and as of late, I've been witness to a couple of pretty traumatic events. Now, for confidentiality and legality's sake I'm not really allowed to disclose much about any of these things, which is fine... kind of. I mean, what's the FIRST rule of trauma? TALK ABOUT IT! Oh, wait. Except if you're a social worker. If you're a social worker you should only talk to other equally traumatized people because that will give you the perspective you need. Sometimes social work ethics are about as effective as a jello sword. (Don't ask... it was just the first comparison that came to mind.)
I just have to wonder if keeping these things to myself is really helping anything. I always tell my kids at work that they can trust me and come to me with anything, but that they shouldn't hold all the nasty stuff in because nasty stuff is not meant to keep. So, being that I am a fairly self-aware person (and I almost had a nervous break-down in November) I decided to start my own therapy in January and it's been a really great experience. In the words of my therapist: "If you're a therapist you need a therapist." And I do, I really needed a therapist. But sometimes our once a month appointments are not enough in the midst of all the muck and injustices. So! This is where things get... bad.
And here it is, my perspective on bad: it is awful. Groundbreaking, right? I know. That's why they pay me the big bucks. But here's something else: it's temporary, and it is the ever-important contrast to greatness, and in that way, I appreciate it. It makes me realize that good is extremely precious.
Now, before you go all "SHUT UP WITH THAT SILVER LINING CRAP, DEVIN!" may I just remind you that I am a professional problem solver, and I need to solve the problem of bad. I am compelled by something I can not label, touch, or diagnose to put an end to miserable feelings everywhere. I need to rationalize these terrible things because if I can make sense of them, I can solve them. But it's a really, really, really, really hard job because most bad things are not rational, they're the opposite, actually. And on top of that, most people don't react rationally to bad stuff, they react emotionally, and wouldn't you know it? So do I. But I STILL have to solve it. I HAVE TO. Yes, I do realize that I will never fully solve "bad", but I sure as heck (censored for all you PG viewers out there), can refuse to let bad take over. And here's how:
I can ask for help when I need it, which sometimes is often. Help is badness' kryptonite. The two can not exist for long in the same situation. I want to help you all, too, when the occasion arises.
I can try to be a little kinder than I have been, and those of you who know me well know that I am rather, shall we say, honest, in my opinions. You'd also know that this will be tricky for me because kindness is a lot more difficult for me than sarcasm, but I'll give it a whirl.
I can think before I act, and I can contribute only prepossessing works of all kinds to you all. (Or at least not careless works.)
Finally, I can remember to tell you how much I appreciate and love you. Without you, badness would surely take over and creep its way into my soul. Thank you, lovely people, for the supporting, joke-making, ice cream-getting, hug-giving, whine-listening, and checking-inning you do so often for me.
TAKE HOME MESSAGE: Our powers combined = badness getting its tush drop-kicked to...well, I don't know. I can't specify a place because I don't want to wish bad on anyone. But the point is, bad's gonna lose. We win. Game over.
Thanks for reading. Speak up, dive in, sparkle on. You rock.
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